But hey! We're here to have fun today! At Paul McCartney's expense!i. "I am definitely going to be able to sell this video to TMZ, so I should mentally start spending the money now. I am going to spend this money on new wheels for my car. I am absolutely not going to spend this money wisely, at all."
ii. "This question about the Rolling Stones is very funny and original and Paul McCartney has never heard this question before. I am a good and funny person and I definitely not should be shot in the head until I am killed."
iii. "This video is going to go viral, and as a result of that I should be as obnoxious as it is possible to be out loud. I should sound like an alien making an impression of human bewilderment. I should sound as much as possible like the kind of person who, instead of laughing, actually says 'LMAO'. Because that is who I am. That is the person I was born to be."
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We have all been turned away from a nightclub. Anyone who has not been asked to leave a nightclub hasn't lived. Anyone who has not walked away from a nightclub calling a bouncer a "prick" – not loud enough that the bouncer will hear you and do a little tight-trousered bouncer run at you and attack you from behind and break the vertebrae in your neck, but loud enough to make you feel good, to make a point, maybe you will kick an errant Coke can while you say "prick" to disguise the word but not the sentiment – anyone who has done that has not, in my opinion, truly taken advantage of their whirl around the sun.You might say: this is an embarrassing moment in Paul McCartney's life, documented and filed in the library of the internet for the ages. When we Google Paul McCartney in a thousand years' time, will we remember his work with the Beatles, his activism, his solo work? Probably not. We'll remember that time he, a 73-year-old man who really doesn't need to impress anyone anymore, got turned away from a Grammy party hosted by – of all the people in the world to host Grammy parties to get turned away from – Tyga, while some TMZ douche flatly says, "They won't let you in? What!" That this is his legacy, and it is an unfair one.But in a way, McCartney's folly is a message of hope, a message of solidarity with a youth he is spiralling ever further away from. Even Paul McCartney can get turned away from a nightclub. Bear that in mind next time a bouncer looks at your shoes, ushers a few lads in trainers in past you, then tells you the place is full. Next time a bouncer has you and the girls shivering in the cold for an hour just to tell you there's a private party tonight and the cover fee has trebled. You are Paul McCartney, and Paul McCartney is you. You haven't failed, you haven't faltered. Paul McCartney can't even get into a party hosted by Tyga. It's the system that is broken, not you. All bouncers are bastards, and even professional vegetable-liker and knight of the realm Paul McCartney isn't safe from them. Every time you get turned away from an ID-only Wetherspoons, you are one step closer to becoming an icon.On NOISEY: The Grammys Sucked – Is Pop Music Stuck in Neutral?