"Men sometimes stick stuff down their underpants, but I can't really go round grabbing every second bloke by the nuts."
The art of the door guy is a delicate one. Let the wrong people in and the entire club goes to shit, but strike the right balance and a true euphoria will envelop the dance floor.
Male patrons either want to hit on you or can't wait to have an excuse to hit you.
Fighting, pooping in public, chugging vomit, more fighting. Who else loves clubbing?
Moderators tell us why they spend up to 20 hours per week silencing trolls for free.
What was it like to be the first female bouncer in Bristol? How did a single mum deal with divorce in the 1940s? Eight women from eight difference decades share their life stories.
The City of Oslo has been hiring people to see if they get turned away by bouncers because of their skin colour, since 2010.
Paul McCartney proved he was human by doing as we all do: being turned away from a nightclub for no real reason at all.
"I've seen everything from gangland turf wars to drunken fools thinking they can take on seven-foot-tall bouncers."
Last night in Miami, Rich Homie Quan allegedly punched a bouncer and escaped on a speedboat. This is the comic.
From elderly women reciting penis poetry to sad cases of unrequited love.
To keep its licence, the venue agreed to bump up security to avoid drug-related casualties inside the club. Only, all that means is that people will just take all their drugs before they get in, which is is surely far more dangerous.