Cry-Baby of the Week

Welcome once more to Cry-Baby of the Week. It's a simple premise – we present you with two wimps, and then ask you to decide which is the bigger pussyole.

Cry-Baby #1: The Queen

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The incident: The Queen (pictured above, getting misty-eyed because she wasn't allowed to play with her favourite ickle yachty-wachty any more) felt that the heating bill for Buckingham Palace was a little too pricey.

The appropriate reaction: Jesus, I don't know, she's the fucking Queen. She could probably eBay one of her hats and pay her heating bill for the next 40 years. Or couldn't she print new money? Or like, make a new law that says she doesn't have to pay her heating bill? She has the power to do that, right?

The actual reaction: According to documents obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, the Queen's people asked ministers for a poverty handout to help cover the cost of heating the palace.

The money she was asking for was part of a £60million fund set up by the government to benefit people on low incomes (ie not the Queen. Or anyone she knows. Or anyone she has ever met outside of some kind of display of "urban dance" in a youth centre.) by heating buildings that they use. Buildings like hospitals or schools or housing associations (ie not big shiny mansions that were won for free in a genetic lottery).

Unsurprisingly, the request was denied on the grounds that it would be a "PR disaster".

Cry-Babies #2: A bunch of people in Malmo, Sweden

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The incident: A man in southern Sweden annoyed his neighbours by masturbating too loudly.

The appropriate reaction: Giggling. Then recording a video of it and putting it on YouTube or something. Or, if you're an electronic musician, making a sample out of it.

The actual reaction: A group of the man's neighbours filed a complaint with both the Skåne County Administrative Board, and the Malmö environmental administration.

"He moans louder than an animal… I can feel how it affects my state of mind," said one neighbour in the complaint.

I've never had to deal with the sound of a neighbour masturbating "louder than an animal", but I can't imagine it would be anything other than a laugh-riot.

So who is the biggest cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below so that we can shame one of these self-serious pussies forever.

Who is the bigger cry-baby?

Previously: Gambian Honeymooners vs. A Sexy Lady's Boss

Winner: Gambian Honeymooners!

Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT