ANALOG MAIL
We don’t know what she’s talking about, but this is the first handwritten letter we’ve gotten in years and look how pretty it is. It’s like an antique. I wonder if she used a feather dipped in ink to write it.PRO-BONERVia Vice.comLook, we’re not mad at hard, throbbing, turgid penises. We just want to keep advertisers in the magazine and that’s the one thing all of our clients fear. It’s a shame because, in our opinion, each and every cock is a work of art.ARE YOU THERE, GOD?IT’S ME, ROGER JAGOOViceVia emailHey everyone, try reading this letter aloud in the voice of the French saboteur kid from the South Park movie. See if you can get through the whole thing without laughing. We can’t.DADDY ISSUESViceVia emailThey should find a way to turn it into a board game. Then we’d buy it.
SEX SNOOPinbottomViceMiddle Grove, NYYour ear goes in the glass? Ha ha ha. Wrong! And now your folly is engraved in the halls of time forever (or at least until every copy of this issue gets thrown in a landfill somewhere, which is actually scheduled to happen sometime next week).
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