Skaters: The Most Serious People In the World?

A few days ago, I wrote this blog about rollerblading. It wasn't written with any kind of agenda. I just thought it would be funny to make someone who has never skated before spend a day on skates. For some reason, the blog made a lot of people really REALLY angry. Skateboarders and rollerbladers alike stopped appropriating American slang long enough to go on the internet and tell us that the blog post constituted a heinous attack on their community, like Kristallnacht or when "Pow!" got banned.

Just to get some context, these are two groups of people who have taken an item that is popular amongst children, and continued to play with it into adulthood. Which is fine. You should do whatever makes you happy. But you would think that guys who are super into toys would be fun and nice. Like Willy Wonka or Robin Williams in Toys.

Anyway, just in case you do feel the need to pick a side in the least important war the world has ever seen, here's some info on how each side reacted to the piece to help you out:

ROLLERBLADERS

This is an email I got from the editor of something called ONE Rollerblading Magazine:

"Too close to the bone? Probably, you pussies." Am I missing something here? We're talking about rollerblading, right? Did they change the definition to mean "russian-roulette" without telling me or something?

And here's a couple of other unbelievably serious comments from rollerbladers:

Can you believe that somebody actually wrote "stop misrepresenting rolling for what it is like all other mainstream media"? Who the fuck are these people?

SKATERBOARDERS

The main thing you should know about the skateboarding community is that they are HUGE fans of this joke:

And just homophobia in general:

And, like rollerbladers, they're huge fans of being painfully serious about themselves:

Eugh.

Oh, and as a bonus, one BMXer voiced his opinion too:

Based on this alone, I can confidently say BMXers are the worst people on earth.

Conclusion: Maybe you guys should be a little nicer to one another, outside of Vancouver or the 1936 Summer Olympics, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone that is as much of a baby about a sport as you guys. And you should be celebrating that you have something in common. Perhaps you could focus your energies on being mean to BMXers instead. They seem to deserve it.

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE