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      Date Night Is Hate Night

      August 31, 2012

      By VICE Staff

      From the column 'Real-life Stories'

      Going on date tonight? Why not read these stories about terrible dates and explode with nervous energy to save yourself the inevitable horror, dismay and depression?

      Illustrations by Sam Taylor. Follow him on Twitter @sptsam or visit his website at samtaylorillustrator.com.

      MAKING MOVIES


      When a girlfriend and I were 16, we bunked off college one afternoon to watch The League of Gentlemen movie. We chose that because we knew the cinema would be totally empty because the film sucked so hard and nobody in their right mind wanted to see it. Going to the cinema with a girl as a teenager is always primarily to get to second base and not to watch a film, so within a few minutes of it starting, we were getting pretty hot and heavy.

      So she's straddling me and suddenly her eyes open wide and she jumps off, and I hear this voice over my shoulder. I freak out and zip up. "We can all see what you're up to and you both need to leave," the voice says. We stand up and start walking out and he says, "By the way, there's CCTV in the lobby that is trained on this screen." Because it was the middle of the day, we walk out shame-faced, and sure enough, there in the lobby, is a screen showing the inside of the cinema clear as day, and maybe 40 or so kids with their parents just giving us total daggers.

      My girlfriend was pretty upset about it. We bought a bottle of vodka and spent the rest of the day drowning our sorrows.

      Want more horrible dating stories? Click through to the next page.

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      Topics: date stories, dating, horrible

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