Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. With the assistance of my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account, I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.
- A small company based out of the always-tolerant, pro-government state of Idaho has begun selling ammunition as a “deterrent” to “strike fear into the hearts of those bent upon hate, violence and murder,” according to their website. Who could it be that’s bent upon hate, violence, and murder? Could it be paranoid shut-ins who sell bullets on the internet? No, of course not! That would be “Islamists.” The deterrent in question is bullets coated with pork.
Jihawg Ammo, the ammunition company in question, describes its product as “certified 'Haraam' or unclean. According to the belief system of the radical Islamist becoming 'unclean' during Jihad will prevent their attaining entrance into heaven. Jihawg Ammo is a natural deterrent to radical and suicidal acts of violence.”
The owners of Jihawg—whose clever slogan is “Peace by Pork”—claim that just owning the bullets will prevent Islamic radicals from… doing something, I’m not sure what. They aren’t really explicit about what the threat is, other than it is definitely from Muslims and their dreaded Sharia law. Last time I checked, a gun is useless against a series of directives.
Are they expecting a bunch of al-Qaeda members to engage in armed combat on the mainland of the United States as though this were a re-remake of Red Dawn? A gun is fairly useless if your enemy is operating in secret and not wearing a uniform. You have to know who the bad guy is to make a projectile weapon work. That’s one of the primary rules of combat. I guess these bullets will really scare President Obama when personally comes to take your rifles away, since he’s a Muslim, right?
Maybe I’m not seeing the benefit of this clearly. Maybe next time one of these patriots is at the gym and he sees a brown face leaving a duffel bag on the floor, he can scream, “I have a gun filled with ham! Disable your IED immediately!” and said brown face will comply. This is not necessarily racist, since it's more concerned with a religion than an ethnic group (shoutout to the people who have already sent me "Islam is not a race" emails) so I give this a 4, but if this were a column called "This Week in Islamophobia," I'd have to invent a new rating just for how stupid this is.
For the record, their “Porcine Coating” is “pattern pending,” so hurry up and rip these guys off! They don’t even know what a “patent” is!
- The Trayvon Martin trial started this week, and the big story coming out of those proceedings is that while being stalked by his eventual killer George Zimmerman, Martin told Rachel Jeantel over the phone that he was being followed by a “creepy-ass cracker.”
The usual right-wing pundits pounced as soon as they could. Their blessed outrage machine was cranking out zingers implying that Martin and Jeantel are racists, while the left-wing media found inexplicable ways to somehow claim that Trayvon’s use of the word was not “racial” or “offensive.”
This column has always been about exposing America’s lie that we are in some sort of “post-racial harmony” era because of Barack Obama’s ascendance to the White House. Much has changed for the better in this country, but so much is worse, primarily because of the instant, archivable forms of communication offered by modern technology (the internet, cell phones, etc.)
No one can keep their hatred a secret they way they used to, as illustrated by the ten inane tweets I compiled below, but this is also shown by Martin's use of a racial slur. Even if the right-wing media is attempting to use this quote as a way to demean Martin in death, they are right that what he said was wrong. I have no interest in joining with any pundit who thinks that calling someone a “cracker” is OK. I believe that Zimmerman should be punished for killing an unarmed child, but the sort of racial mistrust and enmity that both parties displayed in this tragedy is exactly how we got to this point in the first place.RACIST
- A far “weightier” topic than Trayvon Martin is Paula Deen, the woman who perfected the “Hobo Burger” and also the use of racial slurs. Her book sales are still strong, even after her racism got revealed and a cruise she’s sponsoring is also expected to see a glut of ticket sales. When I attempted to reach her for comment, Ms. Deen screamed, “What do I have to do to get people to leave me alone? Tell the world I put baby scrotums in my peach cobbler?!”
Then she hung up. 3
Photo by Flickr User GageSkidmore
- Ann Coulter, who holds the Guinness Book of World Record title for “World’s Longest Neck,” receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for her latest assertion, on Fox News, that the immigration bill that recently passed the US Senate is merely a ploy by the Democratic Party to get “30 million new voters.” After explaining that voters in majority Republican states are “outbreeding” their liberal counterparts, like it's some kind of competition to see which political party has the strongest sperm, she proceeded to state that she believes that every illegal immigrant who is "amnestied" will magically vote for Democrats. That's a major reason why she wants to stop this bill from passing the House of Representatives.
Treating immigrants from South America, Mexico, and elsewhere as sheep who blindly follow one party (rather than people who, like many Americans, don't support Republican policies because they are insane and dangerous) is a sign that you don't respect their intelligence. Of course, we've already seen conservatives do that very thing. 6
@YesYoureRacist’s Ten Most Racist Retweets of the Week [all grammar sic'd]:
10. @mrfatcunt: I aint racist! But why do 99.9% of crimes, especially knife crimes involve black people?
7. @nroeder: obama is from kenya, im from america.. im more qualified to be president than he is. stupid ni**er.
6. @DontEvenLiftBro: I'm not racist but f*ck do I hate Chinese people…. Like…. Get some respect for personal space and common sense
5. @assshhh___: I'm not racist but black people should be with black people and white people should be with white people.
4. @NecyGee: I'm not racist but I hate older Mexican men
3. @lkjhgfdewefrtyuI: SWEAR SUADI ARABIANS DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC IM NOT RACIST BUT JESUS LEARN HOW TO FUNCTION AND TIP YOUR WAITOR
2. @WeaverFever69: I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm not racist but I am part of the master race. Have sex with me ladies.
1. @exsistings: im not racist but black people talking about ppl being racist is what makes ppl racist
Last Week in Racism: Paula Deen Is Exhausted from Being So Racist All the Time