Michael Holden's Deleted Scenes - Jammed Train Door

It's 8 PM and I'm leaving town in the front car of a train where the vibe is shifting from weary commute into fellow traveler camaraderie. It’s a Thursday night, the seats aren’t as full as they could be, people have had a drink, and the sun’s setting. All things considered, it could be worse. And then in an instant it becomes so. Woman #1: [nervous, behind me] “What happens if I push this button?” Man #1: [her companion] “I don’t know. You might get fined. It might be an alarm.” Naturally everyone turns to see what’s going on and there’s this couple who look as though they might have made their own sandwiches for this 90-minute journey (which is totally understandable at today’s prices). The woman is fretting between two switches: one large red one that will undoubtedly delay the train if thrown, and a smaller green one, which might not, but who knows, really? It’s like a bad bomb disposal movie, and I'm trapped in it. Man #2: [voice of reason] “What’s the problem?” Woman #1: “The doors won’t open.” And she proves they won’t and that this could well be a problem, since this is the end car and there are no toilets, no water, and nowhere to run. This is now like the start of another movie entirely. Man #2: [more reasonable than ever] “Press the green one. That controls the doors. All that happens is they stay open from then on.” Me: [panicking slightly, I have no idea where this voice comes from] “Wait till the next station!” But she presses it and the doors open and all is well and everyone is relieved and friendly. We all start talking, like we’ve survived a major incident together and the bonds that have formed between us might last a lifetime. Until about an hour later, when we pull into my station and the conductor says there has been a suicide on the line just past it. When I get off the others are all on their phones, rearranging their onward journeys and, I think, secretly despising me as I reach for my bag and walk away, because by doing so I have betrayed the brotherhood of the jammed door. Never mind.

Illustration by Johnny Ryan

Previously: Topless Takeaway Takedown