10 LIMBURGER JOKES

Limburgers are people from the southernmost part of Holland, Limburg, which you may know from its horrible cheese. They are famous among the Dutch for their completely incomprehensible accents, their provincial conservatism, and for generally being dumb as a gum wrapper. Like most Dutch Catholics they celebrate Carnival every year before Ash Wednesday, only they do it really shitty. They dress up as Disney characters and cowboys and "sexy nurses" and sing along to cheesy schlager music. The only upside is the staggering amount of booze they put away while doing this. Everybody's favorite right-wing, anti-muslim-movie-making, Dutch politician

Geert Wilders

is from Limburg. To be fair to Limburg, so was Jan Van Eyck, but technically he's from the Belgian side. Anyways, here goes, ten jokes about Limburgers. Our American editors said that a few of them sounded like reworked Polish jokes, but we've got no beef with those dudes. -There was a power failure in the south of Holland last week. Three Limburgers were stuck on an escalator for three hours. -Two city maintenance guys from Limburg are working on a sidewalk. The first guy pries up a square of concrete and then digs a hole where it used to be. When he's done the second guy takes the dirt and fills the hole back in. A guy who's been watching walks up and asks them what they're doing. The first Limburger says, "We're planting trees. I dig the hole, Jeff puts the tree in, and Gerard fills in the dirt. Oh, but Jeff is off sick this week." -Two people from Limburg are walking down the street when one of them sees a banana peel in the distance. "Ouch", he says, "That's really going to hurt again." - A guy from Limburg has three sons, all named Noel. His friend asks him "What do you shout when you need one of them?" "Simple," he says, "I just use their full name." -A guy tells a Limburger: "Hey, watch out for that dead bird!" The Limburger looks up at the sky and yells: "Oh no, where?!" -A Dutch woman has just come home after giving birth to triplets. She tells her Limburger friend, "The doctors said the chance of this happening is one in a million." "Wow," says the Limburger, "Your pussy must be HUGE." -A man from Limburg is walking on the beach with his son. His son says: "Look daddy, a boat!" "No son, that's a hovercraft," says the father. "Ho-ver-craft?" says the son, "How do you spell that?" "Ah, wait a second, it IS a boat!" -There's been an accident in Limburg with three deceased, two of whom are in really bad shape. Q: How do you drive someone from Limburg crazy? Put him in a round room and tell him you've left free beer in every corner. Q: Why do people from Limburg keep a ruler in the bed? To see how long they've been sleeping. JAN VAN TIENEN PREVIOUSLY:

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