Bloody lads eh? Can't live with them, can't live without them. When they're not playing bloody Fifa, or hoping the missus doesn't catch them on some other bird's Instagram, they are probably out on the lash. Anyone reading this who is, or has at any point been, a top lad will know exactly how these nights normally pan out. A trip to the boozer, one pint turns into twelve, and before you know it you've got knob rot and a kebab, or something.Okay, confession, I'm not actually a top lad. Around the age of 17 I briefly registered as a good bloke for a few months but since then I've been languishing as an okay man. As such the world and lexicon of top lads is an unknown realm. Luckily for me, however, this is no problem at all, as a professional top lad—with banter that would make Paddy McGuinness blush—has recorded a video in which he sums up every boys night out, and guess what? The plucky chap has got something of a viral sensation on his hands! It's set the internet alight with laughter, and warm familiarity, as top lads up and down the country have watched on and muttered to themselves through teary eyes, "yes, that's me and my friends that is, spot on."
—When did the word "boogie" come back around?
—Where did the inspiration for the line "take her home, smash her, and wifey her up" come from?
—Are blokes wearing suits and sunglasses standing round the edge of a dance-floors really a thing? I've been to shit clubs before and I've never seen that.
—Which nightclubs have you been going to?
—Have you actually been to a nightclub?
—Are you the sort of person who says "you don't have the right not to be offended."
—Do you own entire seasons of Family Guy on DVD?
—Did you just refer to your penis as your "corey" or does that mean something else?
—When did you start referring to your penis as your "corey?"
—Do you plan on continuing to refer to your penis as your "corey?"
—Okay, I've just googled it and apparently it's cockney rhyming slang, but still the question stands do you plan on continuing to refer to your penis as your "corey?"
—How do you walk like Pingu? Do you slap your feet really hard on the pavement on shout "nooo nooo" at passers-by?
—Do you behave like Pingu in any other ways on a night out?
—Does your Dad, a taller, inexplicably Jamaican penguin, ever come and pick you up?
—Is your best mate a seal?
—Do you have a drinking problem?Please tweet Angus your answers on Twitter.
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Yet, while the video is a comprehensive walk-through of every boy's night out, we've still be left with some questions. In good faith, and on behalf of males who aren't top lads, females, and Americans, we would greatly appreciate the video's creator getting in touch to answer the following…—Where, in 2015, did you get a burberry bucket hat?
—When did the word "boogie" come back around?
—Where did the inspiration for the line "take her home, smash her, and wifey her up" come from?
—Are blokes wearing suits and sunglasses standing round the edge of a dance-floors really a thing? I've been to shit clubs before and I've never seen that.
—Which nightclubs have you been going to?
—Have you actually been to a nightclub?
—Are you the sort of person who says "you don't have the right not to be offended."
—Do you own entire seasons of Family Guy on DVD?
—Did you just refer to your penis as your "corey" or does that mean something else?
—When did you start referring to your penis as your "corey?"
—Do you plan on continuing to refer to your penis as your "corey?"
—Okay, I've just googled it and apparently it's cockney rhyming slang, but still the question stands do you plan on continuing to refer to your penis as your "corey?"
—How do you walk like Pingu? Do you slap your feet really hard on the pavement on shout "nooo nooo" at passers-by?
—Do you behave like Pingu in any other ways on a night out?
—Does your Dad, a taller, inexplicably Jamaican penguin, ever come and pick you up?
—Is your best mate a seal?
—Do you have a drinking problem?Please tweet Angus your answers on Twitter.