It's NFL Combine Week—which is a thing that gets capitalized now because everything the NFL does requires capitalization now—and we will be inundated with measurables and unmeasurables and needs and wants and all that good stuff that is virtually meaningless but, hey, it's football so let's talk about it. It's also a chance to talk about the insane things NFL teams ask the mostly teenaged commodities they are considering investing in. Who could forget Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland asking Dez Bryant if his mom was a hooker, or the public shaming of players with poor Wonderlic scores, or just having to say "Wonderlic" out loud. Luckily, former NFL defensive end Austen Lane has provided a handy, illustrated Tweetstorm chronicling his own experience from his time in Indianapolis.
Now, obviously, we have no way of validating any of this. Lane was selected by the Jaguars in the 2010 draft and played until 2014, so it's been a while since any of these interviews took place, but my word, these are pretty outrageous questions to ask a football player! I see you have a hairstyle, which begs the question: how many drugs are you on right this second? Or the classic logic game: hypothetical murder weapon: go! But when it comes to the NFL, Belief and Absurdity are in an inverse relationship, so if it's not 100 percent true, it certainly is 100 percent believable.
Enjoy Combine Week, folks.