As the popular internet parlance goes, "not all heroes wear capes." I am reminded of the phrase this morning, because this has happened:
"Why you guys filmin' my ass? I don't want this SHIT, shut it off"—this guy, 2017 (but also me, drunk, being videoed doing something silly and/or incriminating for someone's Instagram story, 2017).
And yeah okay, this was over a week ago now, but in my position—duty bound to report The News to the best of my ability—if you were made aware of a video of a guy singing "Even Flow" by Pearl Jam while getting arrested, would you really not share it? Would you really not want to bring that into people's lives? I thought so.
Anyway so what we have here is this man, nay, this contemporary hero, getting the fuck arrested, before inexplicably asking "you guys wanna hear a song?" He then bursts into a rendition of "Even Flow" by Pearl Jam ("that's called Pearl Jam. You ever see Pearl Jam?") with more gusto than me doing "Angels" by Robbie Williams when the club closes. This, of course, is a creative response to encountering the long arm of the law. That said, it's hard not to imagine a scenario where this could have gone in the complete opposite direction so let us end this by saying, still, for now and forever: fuck the police.
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