Climactic Fashion - For Her

Uniqlo underpants, vintage socks, Vans shoes

Anyone who has ever seen a high-end men's fashion magazine knows gays worked out the whole fashion magazine thing to just be another branch of porn. So a few months ago I thought I'd cut the crap and get right to the point--I took some photographs of boys jerking off until they came, as part of a rigorous investigation into the art of the cumface. And because it was all meant to be a“fashion shoot” we got to expense vodka and porn magazines for the various “models” (AKA specimens). My conclusion was a simple one: Boys look hot when they cum, in a deformed, facial lobotomy sort of way.

Cumming makes people look hot, and being hot is fashionable, which means cumming is fashionable. So if you don’t have an orgasm, I recommend you go out and get one ASAP! Accessories that look good with an orgasm include: thigh-high socks, anything made of lace, underwear (worn like normal or perhaps tied around your mouth like a gag?), nothing at all.

I recently conducted the experiment again, this time with girls, in an attempt to evaluate the differences between how girls and guys get themselves off and in an attempt to decipher if said differences make any difference to the way the sexes dress. Anyways, everyone knows the only reason we wear clothes is to look hot so that other people will want to take them off and make us cum. Wanting to look professional and socially acceptable are just conspiracies. I know the saying is “dress to impress,” but really “dress to cum” would be more accurate.

Topshop knickers

Girls are more porno. Cumming Trend: Big Hair.
When boys jerk off they look like they’re in severe pain, and then after they cum they look like they might puke or die. Real talk! Girls look like they’re in pain too, but in a more metaphoric, porno way. Also, there’s a lot more moaning and 80’s-style hair tossing involved, and the whole thing sort of looks like it’s in slow motion, even though it isn’t.

It actually doesn’t take long, for both sexes. Cumming Trend: Skirts with pockets and blankets.
The story goes that it’s more difficult for girls to reach orgasm than it is for guys. But FYI, just because it takes ages for you to make us cum, doesn’t mean we can’t do it super quickly ourselves. Sometimes we can do it in under a minute! We can also be really discrete about it. We do it under our coats on long car rides. We do it in public restrooms like homeless people while you’re waiting outside, thinking that we’re just peeing. Sometimes we even do it lying in bed next to you, with the blanket draped loosely over our knees and abdomen, and you don’t have any idea! Get a clue!

Topshop knickers, Converse Shoes

Guys need porn, girls don’t. Cumming Trend: Nudity, guys can't imagine what you look like.
The majority of the guys I photographed requested pornography in order to get hard. I guess that goes along with the stereotype that men are more “visual” than women when it comes to sex. Or perhaps guys are just lazy and can’t be bothered to use their imaginations, whereas girls are more capable of creating vivid sexual fantasies with their minds. Just throwing that out there.

Girls cum for longer. Cumming Trend: Smiling orgasms release endorphins.
I think with guys, the zenith of pleasure seems to occur the split second before ejaculation, and then the actual act of cumming is more of a tension release, sort of like a comedown. (Fun fact: Ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing. Guys can jizz without reaching sexual climax.) When girls cum, however, it’s a slow buildup of increased pleasure until we reach orgasmic euphoria. This lasts for a solid few seconds then slowly dies down, leaving our bodies feeling all warm and tingly inside, like a vibrator immediately after use.