Spartak Moscow Fan Perfects the Art of the Pitch Invasion

In that fleeting moment before a one-man pitch invasion begins – before an invader leaps from the stands and rushes towards the pitch with frenzied abandon – time stops. In the inner recesses of the consciousness, the mind makes its calculations. Where are the stewards? How many are there? What are the chances of being tackled to the ground by five rotund forty-somethings in high-vis jackets, before even reaching the pitch? The lush, green turf is the pitch invader's promised land, the hallowed earth which – if only for a moment – makes a galavanting hero of even the most mundane spectator.

Reaching that turf is an art form and – like all iconic art – it demands mathematical precision from its maker.

If you agree with the premise that pitch invasions are an art, then you must also cede that this Spartak Moscow fan is a creative genius. He is to pitch invasions what Constable is to romantic landscapes, what Van Gogh is to sunflowers, what Picasso is to fucked-up surrealist depictions of war-torn Guernica. He has produced a pitch invasion so brilliant, so sublime, that all those who have invaded a pitch before him must acknowledge his superiority.

Behold his masterpiece. Watch it over and over. Treat it like the centrepiece of a critically acclaimed exhibit, and gaze upon it for an almost uncomfortable amount of time – murmuring in admiration all the while.

In the middle of Spartak's away defeat to Zenit St. Petersburg last weekend, the fan in question leapt onto the running track at the Petrovsky Stadium. With television cameras trained on him, he skips past one steward. He spins away from another. He sends two more stewards crashing into each other, before charging through a converging mass of security guards and deftly eluding the grasp of an overweight policeman. Each movement is a sensuous brushstroke, each shimmy, duck and dive an exquisite act of self-expression. He is breaking down the last taboo, nearing the forbidden fruit of the pitch.

He dodges past one more inept assailant, before forward flipping over the final barrier and into the welcoming embrace of the soft grass. With this magnificent finishing touch, his great work is complete.

Quite frankly, this is the most magnificent contribution to the world of art since Ai Weiwei filled that massive room full of ceramic seeds. Much like Ai Weiwei's work, this clip should remind us of our relative insignificance. No matter how hard we try, there will never be a pitch invasion this profound again.