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Sports

What Could Bobby Bonilla Buy With $1 Million in 2035

Today is Bobby Bonilla Day, the day we all laugh at the Mets for still paying a guy who has not played since 2001.
July 1, 2015, 8:37pm

Today is Bobby Bonilla Day, which means he gets a cool $1.193 million from the New York Mets as part of an old contract with deferred payments beginning in 2011 and continuing through 2035. We are in year four of Bobby Bucks and it remains a great idea for Bobby and a hilarious reminder that the Mets are the Mets. But 2035 is a long way off—20 years, in fact. A lot can change in 20 years, including the value of a dollar. For instance, 20 years ago a million bucks got you so many more candy bars than it does now. We know this because of science and math and the economy.

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So, what will Bobby Bonilla be able to buy with a million bucks 20 years from now?

  • Waaaaay fewer candy bars than he can today.
  • The Apple iTrapperKeeper. It's a Trapper Keeper that comes with an Apple sticker you can put wherever you want.
  • A batting glove.
  • Permission to audit one class at a private university.
  • Rhode Island
  • The entire cast and crew of Million Dollar Baby for the specific purpose of recreating the film in his living room only to find out, 132 minutes later, that it has nothing to do with the dancing baby from Ally McBeal.
  • The services of a contract killer to finally repay Mr. Met for stealing Mrs. Met.
  • The filing fees for a pro se lawsuit against the entire cast and crew of Million Dollar Baby for false advertising.
  • The Mets.
  • A photograph taken the day The Pope took the extraordinary step of beatifying a still-alive and silver fox-y Alex Rodriguez (he may have to haggle on that one).
  • His yearly physical.
  • The chance to buy into a really hot investment opportunity that will pay off big time. All he has to do is get a bunch of his friends to also buy into the really hot investment, and get those friends to get their friends to buy in, and get those friends of friends to get their friends to buy in, and he'll have so much more money than that lousy $1 million that he will finally be able to buy the same amount of candy bars he would have in 2015.