Hey losers: this race is for you. Forget that sweaty Fitbit, peanutbutter-sandwiches-in-a-fanny-pack, mileage-logging, selfie-taking run lifestyle. The Boerne 0.5K (that's just a hair under a third of a mile—or five football fields) offers beer, donuts, coffee, and a smoking rest stop. Yes, your time has come.
SB Nation dug up this nice little niche "athletic" event, which takes place in Boerne, Texas on May 5. It is also officially being sanctioned by SLACR, the Society for Lazy and Carefree Runners. Moreover, your lethargy and vice will reward the charity Blessings in a Backpack, a non-profit that provides food on the weekends for school kids who are in need.
The run itself is bookended by a free beer, and just to make sure you're not exerting too much effort, there's even a halfway marker (two and a half football fields) where you can refuel:
“Coffee and donut station at the halfway point for carb-loading and energy. This will also be where the designated smoking area is.”
Other amenities include a costume contest, a medical tent, a bagpipe player, T-shirts, and "a pretentious oval Euro-style 0.5K sticker that you can attach to your rear windshield to show everyone what a badass you are."
If you don't want to run, and have a little extra cash, there will be a 1963 VW bus to take you from the beginning of the race to the end. And they promise that you'll still get your beer.
Similar to how you might feel after doing the event, the event is—sadly—full. But for those lucky few who are already in—in case you think all your efforts will go to waste—don't worry: they will be providing participation medals for all.