With Summer League in full swing and a bit of a lull between the early vacation takers of the off-season and those who will save their beach bonanzas for the dog days leading up to the preseason, now is the perfect opportunity for a little roundup of all the players we forgot about. You'll be happy to know they're having vacations, too.
Patty Mills has been on a full-time vacation since June 1, committing so hard he hauled an old stereo to the beach in Hawaii. He's now back in Australia, where 98 percent of the population lives on the beach in small houses on stilts called "beach barbies" and the 2 percent of time they spend away from the beach is still beach-adjacent. Here, Patty plays ball in front of the beach and cracks a cold one in the back of a pickup in beach parking.
Rating: He's basically a founding member of the Beach Boys at this point, so 8 Gold and 3 Platinum records for Patty.
Speaking of forgettable Australians, Matthew Dellavedova got married. That's all I'll say about Delly's summer vacation, because as the saying goes if you can't say something nice about a man made of rats, at least show a picture of him petting a swordfish in Fiji:
Rating: I refuse to rate my enemies.
Ricky Rubio threw himself out of a plane, which is not especially chill, but he did it in what looks like a velour suit, making it a much more relaxed summer vacation skydive.
Rating: 2 seriously bumping adrenal glands out of 2.
Jonas started his summer vacation early and aptly, with a poolside "sunbath" in the rain. It's good to see that the sense of humor on my guy is going strong, even though there's a distinct possibility the big man won't be a Raptor this season. J.V. also caught a really big fish in Norway.
Rating: 4 Lithuanian sunbaths out of 5
Kyle got a summer job.
Rating: 2 bananas short of a float, 0 bananas to turn into a boat. Shameful
Hmm, if only there were a way to prove Ron Baker is: A) 100 years old or B) sent back from the future like a cartoonishly wholesome Terminator to turn basketball, which has gone on to become the last bastion of progressiveness, into old-timey football with those leather helmets.
Rating: Ron, this is shit.
Robin Lopez has taken his Encino Man aesthetic on the range in a photo that looks like an ad campaign for the type of cologne Ron Baker would buy and also a fever dream that Phil Jackson had once. The point is Robin looks right at home and this photo would only be enhanced if he had his dog, a doodle named Muppet, in the saddle with him.
Rating: More Blink 182's Dude Ranch than Westworld, but not quite City Slickers II
This little (6'5") travel bug's been busy!
First, he climbed a mountain and camped on it:
Then he met a chipmunk:
And roamed around a desert for a quick sec:
Before ending up in Tahiti:
Can someone close to Evan please check in on him and make sure this isn't an accelerated bucket list thing?
Rating: 1 million frequent flier miles divided by the resulting 11,000+ lbs. of CO2 emissions, so roughly a 2 out of 5.
Is anyone more forgotten than the youngest Curry in the league? I mean yes, there's probably a Plumlee kicking around out there we've still yet to meet, but generally speaking, for the sake of being dramatic, Seth's is a life lived in the shadow of a chewed-up mouth guard. To really get his 100 years of solitude across, here's a picture he made someone take of him reading a book. And then another in the album from a different angle to really solidify his "Walden in lime-green-pineapple shorts" vibe.
Rating: Reading The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter while "Solitude" by Black Sabbath plays. I dunno, this looks nice?
Nerle Alert! Almost forgot that Noel is an expert in the practice of Hathareallygoodtime yoga. Here he is pictured in the pose "Atop a Sunbaked Precipice in Santorini," elbows to elevated knees, Ray Bans in alignment with the point on the horizon where summer vacation stretches out to meet the ambiguity of not really having a contract anymore. Namaste, Nerlens.
Rating: 8 "M"s out of 10 in a very long "OM."