The Do's and Don'ts of Returning to the Club

Across the UK, late night excess is impending, as once-closed nightclubs prepare to open their doors for the first time in over 500 days. “Freedom” and strobe-lit sweat-boxes that stay open until 4AM are all on the menu – but so too, in the words of Dua Lipa, are “new rules”. 

No one’s going to stop you from chugging your body weight in cheap-menu shots. But there are a raft of new measures in place and practices to ensure the night works for everyone, from the punters doing keys in the toilets at the back, through to the staff cleaning up when the lights come on.

In order to work out how everyone should behave when nightclubs open their doors again, VICE spoke to people working in the nightlife industries and asked them for their Do’s and Don’ts of returning to the club. 

Look: you haven’t done a pilly sick into a toilet for over a year now. Meaning, also, that nightclub staff have been out of the loop from dealing with people like you. So give them some space.

“There’s going to be queues,” says Hannah Summers – who runs Bruce Springsteen, Oasis and Britney Spears-themed club nights across the country. “People working behind the bar might not be as fast as they’re used to. Things might go a bit wrong, but that’s OK – it’s not going to ruin your life.”

“Doormen are going to be dealing with a lot. Everyone is going to be doing the best that they can, but it’s not going to be the easiest situation to go back into.”

Clubs are and always will be loud. But the tradition of repeating the same inane thing into a friend’s ear three times before everyone nods and moves on is no more. Again, this goes back to having a base level of respect for the punters, workers, DJs and everyone else around you.

“If you’re in a club, someone has chosen to be there but that doesn’t mean they’re entirely comfortable with people being really close by again,” Hannah explains. “We’ve had it drilled into us for 18 months that being within two metres of someone is dangerous. That doesn’t go away overnight. For some people it will be a gradual process.”

Doesn’t water taste, like, at least three times better in a nightclub? If you also believe this law – and even if you don’t – just go ahead and drink lots anyway. Moses, 32, who works in clubs across London, says: “We’re expecting people to get drunk and unruly. But there’s a tipping point that people have to keep themselves in check. We don’t mind people getting a round of Patrón – that’s not the problem. But punctuate those with water. Ask for water and 100 per cent we will serve you.”

Look – unless you’re a gabber DJ in training (in which case apologise to your housemates) – chances are you haven’t been around club-loud music for a while now. Protection is key. We’re about good times, but we’re also about healthy ears. 

“Wear ear protection. People will forget that shit,” says Moses. 

With lockdown going on for longer than anticipated, getting into the club has been an uphill battle for you, the punter. For the staff whose livelihoods depend on these nightclubs being open, it’s been an even more testing year and a bit. Moses says people should bear all this in mind.

“I beg anyone going out partying to not only be mindful to your fellow clubbers, but also the staff and the management and everyone else that’s put in the work to make sure the lights stay on,” he explains. 

“Think of it like your friend has begrudgingly put on a house party and things are going to get messed up, but please just have a sense of respect for what’s gone into making this party happen.”

Cai Beynon, the general manager at The Lexington, echoes this statement, saying: “Those places where you have sentimental memories – they’re not a given. I expected everything to survive, but now loads of my favourite places are closed and aren’t going to come back. People need to support everyone coming out from this, especially the independent institutions.”

Important: Nightclubs being open does not equal COVID being eradicated.

“Even if the restrictions totally go away, that doesn’t mean COVID has gone away,” says Cai. “So keep washing your hands if you need to, wear a mask when you’re told to – do all those things that mean we don’t have to go into a lockdown again and can continue to live our life.”

“This is out of my hands in terms of being a bartender,” says Moses, “but there’s going to be lots of breeze-chatting coming up. I’m looking forward to it.”

@ryanbassil