SOME COMFORT IN YOUR HOLE

Ibiza, the white island, is not only a place where it's acceptable for middle-aged men to sweat and grind on the beaches to 90s Tiesto, it is also a place where you can spend 15 Euro on a bottle of water and have a teenager suck your balls for a sniff. Moroccans selling sugar are welcome here, as are troops of "workers" who sell pacha, King of Club tickets, laughing gas, sex toys, or harem pants and ketamine spoons on the beach. These are often good kids who work as face painters by day and sell "comfort in your hole" by night. At least this is exactly what 21-year-old Jenny, peddler of ketamine spoons and harem pants, has been doing.

Do customers wish to purchase both the spoons and the harem pants?

We created a deal for our loyal customers….buy two pairs of pants and get the spoon half price. Always works a treat.

What's the competition like? We had some competition from local sellers with the harem pants but they didn't have to offer the cheeky spoons we did, so really, they were no competition.

Do you have certain outfits for work? Yeah, we wear what we sell. After all, you wouldn't want to buy something the seller wasn't prepeared to wear themsleves. Plus, they looked fab.

Do people try before they buy? Yes, we always let people try things on, they had to. A couple of times chicks liked the outfits we had on so they took them off our own backs. All in the name of good sales!

What's the most popular style? The longer trousers that could be pulled up around your boobs to create a jumpsuit.

Do you have a marketing strategy? Smile, have a GSOH (good sense of humor), target the drunker hot Ibiza people and chat chat chat.

I hear your co-worker is a speech therapist by trade--did she help out the customers after a few? You could say that! Yeah, after people find out her "real trade" they always ask for the correct pronunciation of this and that. Needless to say, they never quite get it, but they do supply us with some comedic moments.

Will users put just about anything up their noses? Is there paranoia about Hepatitis C? I don't know, best to ask the fuckheads.

Will do! Do you sell different types of spoons, like different shapes and sizes. Maybe shovels for males and dainty dessert spoons for females? Cute gold ones and sexy silver ones--no shovels though.

Interesting choice of adjectives there. Is there a gender preference? No, if a guy wants a shovel, let him shovel. If a girl wants a spoon, let her spooon. To each to their own.

What are the most popular spoons? Silver.

Do you use your feminine charm to woo buyers? Of course. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. A cheeky wink never hurt anyone, and certainly doesn't hurt our purses.

Do you get free ket out of it? Let's say we always have a smile on our face.

Tidy. Do you have a nickname? No, but I'm open to suggestions!

How much are the spoons? Twenty-five Euro.

Cheap chic.