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If Kanye Keeps His Grammys In A Sock Drawer, What Does He Display On His Mantlepiece?

Laminated Pitchfork reviews, framed leather skirts, a signed Union Jack from Mr. Hudson
September 8, 2014, 12:28pm

Kanye West is a rare breed, as he will very well let you know if you give him all but a second. But it’s pretty easy to forget just how accomplished a rapper he is, amongst the gossip page headlines and soundbites. As well as number one albums and chart-topping collaborations, Ye is also arguably the most critically-heralded MC of all-time, with 21 Grammy Awards to his name. That’s more than Bruce Springsteen, Sir Paul McCartney, Ray Charles and Eric Clapton, and just one less than U2 and Stevie Wonder. It’s also double the amount of accolades as Adele has won, and she wins them in armfuls.

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Now, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Yeezy wouldn’t shut up about such a feat. I mean why go on and on about some shoes you designed when you have more golden gramophones than fingers and toes. After all, this is the same person who calls in to radio stations to complain about MTV lists and has a long history of gatecrashing award shows (even before I’mmaLetYouFinish-Gate). But it appears that in private, Kanye doesn’t want to remind people of his sheer colossal levels of achievement, that his “presence is a present”. No, in fact Kanye even keeps his Grammys in a sock drawer, that's how much of a damn he gives.

“Kanye's not big on putting his Grammys up and stuff like that. They literally were like in the laundry room, just randomly. In a sock drawer and all around,” Kim told Nick Grimshaw recently. “I’ve gathered them all, so maybe I can talk him into [putting them into] one of our offices or something”.

Maybe Ye’s just bored of it all. Sure, when you get your first Grammy, it’s pretty exciting. You make sure to write a badass speech. But on the twenty-first occasion you probably just want to sit back in your seat and get drunk off free champagne with Jennifer Lawrence (or whoever else gets invited to these kind of things). So if not a Grammy, what exactly does Kanye keep on his mantle? We take a look at some of the options that may make the cut.

Retired leather kilt

Just as football teams retire shirt numbers after legendary players retire or pass away, we like to think that there’s a framed leather skirt – we mean kilt – in Kanye’s living room. He really did love that Givenchy dress. That’s until the Internet began to bully him for it and he asked Google to remove all images of him wearing it. Ye obviously had never heard of the Streisand Effect. Now all that's left is a meme and a fashion legacy solely aimed at X-Factor's 16-28 category. Poor Kanye. RIP the leather kilt.

Laminated print-out of Pitchfork's 10.0 review

"You worry about what's in your bank account, I worry about my Metacritic score," Danny Brown once tweeted. To be fair, we imagine that Kanye worries about both. Constantly. So what can mean more than a Grammy? Well, awards only prove you have one-upped those you're put up against. And what pleasure can be gained out of beating Joss Stone to Best New Artist in 2005? Very little. But what we can see West doing is keeping a copy of his Pitchfork 10.0 review for MBDTF, a honour normally only reserved for every Radiohead album ever.

Portrait of the lord Jesus Christ as our saviour Yeezus H. West

He's named a song "I Am A God", an entire album "Yeezus" and posed mid-crucifixion for a Rolling Stone shoot. All that he's not yet done is said that he's bigger than The Beatles. A framed picture of himself dressed up as Jesus is too predictable for a visionary like Kanye. Instead you're more likely to get a picture of Jesus himself dressed up as Yeezus. Shutter glasses and all. So subversive.

Union Jack flag, signed by Mr Hudson, Estelle & more

Let's face it, Kanye just doesn't understand what's cool in the UK. Sure, he's lining Hud Mo's pockets nicely at the moment, but that's no excuse for collaborating with Mr Hudson, Chris Martin, La Roux and Estelle. It's gotten so bad that when he comes over to London he DJs at Le Baron instead of Bussey Building. Someone give him print this out and give him a copy.

Wedding photo (with Jay Z edited in)

Remember back when Kanye used to Photoshop himself into Kim’s Christmas cards? Bit creepy. But when Ye got angry earlier this year that his big brother Hov couldn’t make his wedding, we envisioned the solution straight away. Now grab that lasso tool, Kanye, and let your grudges go.

Fake Grammy Award for Yeezus

So Kanye has 21 Grammies and not one of them is for the record he may be most remembered for. Perhaps it's not surprising that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences didn't award a record that sounds like reggaeton-Death Grips but if there's one Grammy he would have cherished, it's this one. That's why he's probably already popped to his nearest Timpsons.

Follow Luke on Twitter: @lkmrgnbrttn