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Vermont High School Cancels Homecoming Dance and Blames Miley Cyrus and Her Dang Twerking

When twerking is outlawed, only outlaws will twerk.
September 6, 2014, 6:30pm

In an effort to create a twerk-free zone, Mount Anthony Union High School in Vermont cancelled its homecoming dance this week. The Washington Post reports that the school’s principal and dean announced the decision (likely bumming out the hormone-raging student body in the process) “to stop students from ‘twerking’ and blamed Miley Cyrus for starting the dance trend with her provocative appearance at the 2103 MTV Video Music Awards.” (We realize that was a typo on the Post’s part but we still like to imagine what the 2103 VMAs will be like. It will probably be even less music-oriented than it is now but on the upside, at least Russell Brand won’t be alive to host it.)

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If you enjoy adults awkwardly trying to wrap their brains around the sexual trends of people a quarter their age, you can read the entire announcement here. Below are a few highlights…

Over the past couple of years, since Miley Cyrus took the stage "twerking" at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards, our students’ dancing behavior has crossed the line of what we can condone as appropriate behavior at a school. Twerking is dancing to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving a low squatting stance and thrusting movements. Students do not face one another or remain with the same person for the length of the song.

If you haven’t seen twerking, I would encourage you to research this online.

When faculty spoke with some of our students about how the dancing starts between two people, we were told by students that someone just comes up behind you and starts… They explained to us no one asks permission before "grinding" nor do they ask the other person if they want to dance.

Everything else planned for homecoming is continuing. We plan on having spirit week, the pep rally, and of course, the homecoming game.

Students of Mount Anthony: You do not have to stand for this blatant violation of your twerking rights! Unleash the power of the twerk and spread the message of twerking throughout the great state of Vermont. Twerk at the lame-ass pep rally. Twerk in gym class. Douse the halls with your twerking! Twerk with every fiber of your soul! You are not alone—principals have been trying to ban dancing since the first caveman girated his cave-hips. You must fight for your right to twerk. Take a lesson from this 1984 documentary on the subject:

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And for more stuff about Miley:

Miley Cyrus Is Punk as Fuck

"Twerk with Your Mouth!": The Miley Cyrus Porn Parody, Reviewed

Miley Cyrus' Instagram Account Is Better Than A Million Art Museums Combined