Here's What Bill De Blasio Should Have Played at His Victory Party Instead of Lorde

Last night, Bill de Blasio walked on stage at his victory party held at the Park Slope Armory to—yes, we're serious—Lorde's "Royals." If you haven't heard the song, or Rick Ross' remix, or Raekwon's remix, it's pretty simple: the 16-year-old New Zealand artist sings about the luxurious lifestyles of the rich and the famous. People also thought it was racist. Here are the lyrics:

But every song's like gold teeth, Grey Goose, trippin' in the bathroom
Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room
We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams
But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your timepiece
Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash
We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair

Watch a clip from last night below:

De Blasio is a self-proclaimed Wu-Tang fan. He told

XXL

that GZA is his favorite member of Wu-Tang, Jay Z is his favorite New York rapper, and that his kids love Big L, Nas, and more. So the fact that he walked out to royals—which mocks that braggadocious, lavish lifestyle that floods a handful of his favorite rap songs is pretty suspect. There's better songs out there for your victorious entrance as New York's 109th mayor. Here's a few:

Lloyd Banks “Start It Up”

Lloyd Banks may author this song, but it has one of the cockiest Kanye West verses of all-time, which is filled with overt swag and arrogance overcompensating for some obvious self-doubt and insecurity. Just look at these lyrics: "They say good things come to those who wait / so Imma be at least an hour late / I'm so fresh bitch I should be arrested / New Cody Chesnutt with my nuts on your chest bitch." If you think about it, that is pretty much the exact recipe for being a politician in the United States in the year 2013.

Pusha T f/ Rick Ross “Millions”

This is a song about having a bunch of money and a ton of power. We'll just leave it at that.

Eric Sundermann is on Twitter - @ericsundy

Raekwon “Royals (Remix)”

De Blasio loves Wu-Tang Clan. So, if his team was on their game yesterday—you know, since he was projected to win—maybe they would've checked the Internet to see that Raekwon threw a verse on Lorde's "Royals." Rick Ross did the same a few weeks ago, so Bill had some options. Unlike Rick Ross, who oblivious raps about living the lavish lifestyle that Lorde "fantasizes" about, Raekwon seems to see the irony of his verse on the track. He talks about posting up outside Philippe's restaurant. Rick Ross once rapped "She thinking Phillipe's, I'm thinking Wing Stop." Should've gone with Raekwon.

Birdman f/ Lil Wayne “I Run This”

Biblical Birdman raps "A brand new truck, a brand new bike/A brand new house, a brand new psych," and while that's not technically Bill de Blasio's slogan ("A Tale of Two Cities," yawn), "I Run This" is an inspiring victory song. Besides the obvious outro from Baby, Wayne's "Yeah, I see you, player, but I’m the most valuable" could have rang through Park Slope Armory last night as the loudest shots fired since, well, I guess Kendrick Lamar's "Control" verse…

Which now reminds me: "And that goes for Joseph Lhota, Big John, George, Tom A., Sal Albanese, A$AP Adolfo, Malcolm, Big Quinn, Bill Thomp', Weiner, Randy Credico."

Lauren Nostro is on Twitter - @LaurenCynthia

Wu-Tang Clan “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nothin’ ta Fuck Wit”

The kinda-obvious choice here would be to go with “Triumph,” because it’s a song called “Triumph” by the Wu-Tang Clan, who de Blasio dropped as one of his favorite groups in his hipsterification campaign (this is a thing that seems to happen to liberal politicians these days, see Obama dropping Jay-Z and the entirety of Joe Biden’s existence). But, while it would have been a cool campaign slogan to channel Ol’ Dirty Bastard and promise to take New York “back to ‘79,” nothing matched the pure, uncut Colombian swagger of “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nothin ta Fuck Wit.” How could De Blasio lose if Wu-Tang is forever? The saga continues. De Blasio. De Blasio.

Wilco “I Am Trying to Break Your Heart”

Having a guy in office who won’t advocate for actively racist police tactics like Stop and Frisk is cool and all, but if we’re being honest with ourselves he’s just gonna fuck us over eventually.

Drew Millard is on Twitter - @drewmillard

Rich Gang "Tapout"

The lyrics of have very little to do with triumph or really anything deeper than “sleeping on Versace”, but how ill would that be to see de Blasio with arms raised in victory while “Million Dollar Pussy” blasts over the PA.

Extreme Noise Terror "We The Helpless"

De Blasio is here to shape up this town, so maybe the last line in this track from

Holocaust In Your Head

will set the tone: “Together We Can Bring About A Change." If he can make it out.

Fred Pessaro is on Twitter - @fredpessaro

Andrew WK “I Love NYC”

I'm hesitant to even suggest this song because how can anyone who loves New York City

support the Red Sox

? Fuck outta here with that bullshit, de Blasio. But still, New York is this crazy melting pot where anything goes and I think de Blasio gets that. He also gets that we should tax the wealthiest New Yorkers to pay for schools so that our kids don't end up too stupid to become wealthy themselves one day. He also gets that LGBT rights are supposed to be protected and women should be ensured equal pay for doing the exact same job as dudes. Things like that are what make New York crush all other cities in every aspect. Except baseball this year.

Frank Sinatra “My Way”

Is it too much to ask for a fellow Italian to play some Italian music? De Blasio is half Italian, which I guess is why he went with Lorde. He is half Italian, half 16-year-old New Zealand girl, apparently. C’mon, de Blasio, make your fellow paisanos happy and play some Sinatra, eh? Or maybe the

Goodfellas

soundtrack? Something from the

Goodfellas

soundtrack would've been

killer

. But you seem like a nice guy, de Blasio so I'll let it slide that you snubbed me, musically. But to quote Joe Pesci in that movie, "Just don't go busting my balls, Billy, OK?"

Dan Ozzi is on Twitter - @danozzi

The Village People “YMCA”

He works out at the YMCA on 9th, he took his victory at the Park Slope Amory YMCA, de Blasio is fully repping the Young Men’s Christian Association (woah, who knew it stood for that?), at every available opportunity. Therefore it stands to reason that he should’ve just gone the whole hog and hip swiveled and crotch-thrust his way onto center-stage with this high camp classic blasting in the background. Choreographed dancers trailing in his wake would complete the scene. Yeah, this would NEVER HAPPEN, but whatever, I’ll use any excuse to watch

this Village People video

again. Look at their faces! Pure joy.

DJ Khaled f/ Ludacris, T-Pain, Rick Ross & Snoop Dogg “All I Do Is Win”

Mostly this song is weak, but the chorus is tailor-made for a crowd participatory we-did-it-together-triumph moment. You can totally envisage de Blasio walking out to “Everytime I step up in the building all the hands go up/And they stay there/And they say yeah,” while a sea of hands bounce. The soundtrack to a landslide.

Kim Taylor Bennett is on Twitter - @thektb

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