The Weirdest People We've Seen at SXSW

How many wristbands is too many wristbands?

March 14, 2014, 6:33pm

Hello, friends. I have a question for you: How many wristbands is too many wristbands? At SXSW, the answer is the little infinity squiggle (∞), followed by a frowny face emoticon (L). Because in Austin, wristbands are veritable currency, allowing you to skip lines and generally get into things that other people can’t. Their value is measured in gold, or at least those caffeinated brownies that the inexplicable Bates Motel event is giving away in a vending machine. The best and worst part about SXSW is everyone you have ever known is there. This is great, because it means you can hang out with people you only know on the internet. For a certain breed of person (i.e. nerds), this is amazing. The only thing that sucks about it is everyone else is also trying to do this, which means getting around and seeing your friends is sort of a clusterfuck. When people are in close quarters and there’s alcohol involved, you can bet your ass shit’s going to get occasionally weird. Anyways, a fun trick is going around pretending to be a fashion blogger and taking pictures of, or even with, goofy looking people. I have spent all of SXSW doing this, and now I will show you my findings.

(Note: We took these photos with our phone so apologies they aren't the best but in our defense, we're losing our minds down here.)

This guy was cool, because he recycled trends of the past (all black everything) with trends of the olden times (armor), and then modernized it by throwing a wannabe Hood by Air logo on the chest. I know that rap squats are played out like Arnold on some “whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis?” shit, but a throwback as strong as medieval battle gear deserves at least a throwback to last October, when people thought rap squats were funny.

These two dudes didn’t know each other, but I made them pretend they were best friends. If you’re the type of man who wears a Pogues shirt and pairs it with a kilt, that implies you have about as many active brain cells as Shane MacGowan has teeth.

I thought this guy was Blake from Workaholics, but he wasn’t. His shirt said “sober” on it, which he thought was funny, but wasn’t.

One thing they’ll never tell you about SXSW is the abundance of pedicabs around the city. There are lots and lots of pedicabs that look like the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones scooting around, but this guy, who looked like an ex-Van Halen roadie-turned pirate, is by far the key player in the SXSW pedicab scene.

Hey, I’d like you to meet Underwear Man. He was wearing all his clothes, but then he took them off when I asked if I could take a picture of him. He’s on Tinder, probably.

People at SXSW want to impress everyone with how cool they look. Not this guy. He wants to impress everyone with how little of his body you’d be able to see in the desert.

I’m guessing this guy’s tattoo of the Jack Daniels logo on his leg has lots of deep personal meaning, or maybe he’s just an alcoholic.

This bro looked like he was coming fresh from an interview as a junior paralegal. Imagine if everyone in bands dressed like this. No one would get laid ever, and the new rockstars would be people who did literally anything else besides play music.

The reason I wanted to take a picture of this guy was because he was wearing three different types of drug-rug style patterns on his body as well as some weird shit on his face, but instead he made me take a selfie with him. I was wearing an Ed Hardy shirt, so I am also one of the dumbest people at SXSW.

At some point yesterday, a plane started writing out several digits of Pi in the sky. Luckily, this guy had on some Google Glasses, so he could record the whole thing. I think his name was Trent. Best Band I Saw: The deliriously fun Migos, who (shameless plug) absolutely slayed our Brisk Bodega showcase last night. Abitrary Weird Story: I bumped into Big Sean—like, literally touched chests with him—at Illmore, right before he performed unannounced. Million Dollar Idea: SHEDM, an all-female DJ tour headed by Lily Allen (obviously).

Daily Selfie: