Jeepers. To think that everyone figured the scouts were talking about Uribe's arm when they used the word "hose" to describe his tools in their reports. No matter. To all you little leaguers out there: wear a cup anyway, and that's final.Juan Uribe (testicular contusion) said no BP today. Asked why he doesn't use a cup, he said: "I don't think the trainers have my size." Oh.
— Jordan Bastian (@MLBastian) June 13, 2016
2. Jayson Werth's Hairy Booty (LW: NR)Injuries have taken a toll on Jayson Werth's potency at the plate, and he's long been a focal point for media and fans who don't think the Washington Nationals have been getting their $126 million worth. But Werth has been swinging better over the past several weeks, and that production has come in handy for the Nationals with Bryce Harper mired in a long slump. After Werth drove in the winning run in extra inningsagainst the Chicago Cubs on Wednesday night, he used the platform of the MASN postgame show to tell critics what he thinks of their opinions.Read More: In Praise of Adam Duvall, Baseball's Last True Galoot
"Thank you, Jayson!" replied MASN's Dan Kolko, and, really, what else can you say?T-3. Mike Trout and Manny Machado (No Change)That's right, no more Bryce Harper, who drops out of the No. 3 spot for the first time all season. Harper's slugging percentage dipped below .500 as of Thursday morning, and he's batting .215/.339/.312 in his past 115 plate appearances since May 14. The good news for the Washington Nationals? They have a 17-11 record in that span.Werth tells critics to kiss his ass pic.twitter.com/0NsHbQ2Jww
— Mimi (@mimiph) June 16, 2016
But wait! Here comes Dayton "Danger" Moore from the crowd!Last one tonight, I promise! pic.twitter.com/mbJqi4PeVk
— Dan Szymborski (@DSzymborski) June 14, 2016
If only that were real life.5. Ichiro's Greatest Hits (LW: NR)Pissing off Pete Rose is fun, so it was a doubly special moment Wednesday when Ichiro Suzuki connected for a double, giving him 4,257 hits between MLB and Japan. Rose had 4,256 hits over his career, rightly called himself the Hit King and probably assumed no one ever would approach his record. Suzuki has 2,979 hits in the majors and is 42 years old, so Rose's MLB record is safe. But we still could call Ichiro the International Hit King in order to irritate Rose, who deserves to be checked for this comment:"It sounds like in Japan,'' Rose told USA TODAY, "they're trying to make me the Hit Queen. I'm not trying to take anything away from Ichiro, he's had a Hall of Fame career, but the next thing you know, they'll be counting his high-school hits."I'm not trying to take anything away from Ichiro, but here's a putdown that implies Japanese baseball is less masculine than North American ball so I can feel better about myself.Don't want my Royals friends feeling left out, so here's the Dayton's Elbow. pic.twitter.com/GWMCbmpST7
— Dan Szymborski (@DSzymborski) June 14, 2016
If you really want to fairly compare Pete Rose and Ichiro, take away Pete Rose's first full 7 years in MLB (Ichiro was MLB ready at age 20).
— SoftbanKC Royawks.my (@PeraKCnRoyals) June 14, 2016
Had Ichiro started his career in the States, Rose's hit record might actually be in jeopardy—it's easy to imagine Suzuki chasing 4,000 hits.6. Madison Bumgarner and His Fellow Pitchers in an All-Star Home Run Derby (LW: 3)Noah Syndergaard, Adam Wainwright, and others want it to happen, and the San Francisco Giants have said it's OK as long as Bumgarner doesn't have to compete in multiple rounds.7. Clayton Kershaw's Strikeout-to-Walk Ratio (NC)It's 133-to-seven over 108 innings. It's down to 19-to-one from sitting at 22-to-one a month ago, but that pace is still killing Phil Hughes' record of 11.6-to-one. (Phil Hughes?) Kershaw really could use two or three clean starts with no walks. It's the only way to put his inconsistencies behind him and climb the rankings.8. Minnesota Twins Chasing History (LW: NR)Imagine if Mike Trout or Bryce Harper's stats didn't count until age 26-27. That's what happened to Ichiro.
— SoftbanKC Royawks.my (@PeraKCnRoyals) June 16, 2016
The #MNTwins will be 20-45 after tonight. If they go 96-1 (.990) the rest of the year, they'd tie the 2001 #Mariners for best #MLB record.
— Keith Leventhal (@KeithLeventhal) June 16, 2016