What's the Worst Thing About Public Transport?

Photo via I'm from Canada and, having lived in London for two years, I've gotten used to the massive twisty snake-like Underground (although evidently yet to learn that words like "gotten" apparently don't exist over here any more). A little while ago, I googled the Toronto subway map to figure out how to get to a friend’s place from the airport. When I saw Toronto’s adorable little U-with-a-line-through-it transit system, I laughed out loud at my countrymen's attempts at public transport. "HAHAHAHA," I went. "How pathetic."

A short time afterwards, back in London at around 6PM, I crawled down to the Central Line on a Tuesday for the first time during peak commuting hours. We're all aware of the main bugbears: Spanish tourists blaring techno, old man BO, tired legs, heavy hearts. The Olympics is gonna make it a whole lot worse and I'm sure that, wherever you are in the country, you have your own grievances with buses and tubes and trams and sucklike. Like racists. Or the fact that the wagon to market only comes once every three days and your pig needs to give birth now, dammit. What’s your least favourite part of the public transport system?

VICE: What’s the worst thing about public transport?
Stephen, 34: Small people with umbrellas. What makes small people with umbrellas worse than regular-sized ones?
Puts them at about glasses height. It’s easy to get stabbed. Do you think you’re going to lose an eye during the Olympics?
Maybe. Do Boris’ beautiful self-recorded messages make you feel any better about your impending blindness?
Boris needs to shut up. Miles, 22 (left) and Ollie, 23. What’s the worst thing about public transport?
Ollie: The heat, after work. I want to sweat, and I do – very much. I just up my deodorant game from Lynx to Sure, and I've seen massive impact: less constant sweating. What about you, Miles?
Miles: People who talk to you and smell funny. Diya, 24 (left) and Reema, 30 Reema: Delays.
Diya: People. Thea, 26: The price has gone up so much since I was visiting here two years ago. It used to be like, 99p for a bus ride. How’s the transit system where you’re from?
Melbourne’s transport system is fine but the rest of Australia is dire. You need a car. Or a surfboard, hahaha.
[silence] I'm sorry that you hate me. Dina, 43: I don’t take that much public transport. I drive my dog to work. You ride your dog to work?
Drive. D-R-I-V-E.

Right, sorry. That makes a lot more sense. Do you drive to avoid the crowds?
Mainly other dogs. He gets too hyper on the tube when other dogs are there. Matthew, 36: I don’t use it, I ride my bike. Is this your own personal bike?
I own the bike and people pay me to ride it around.
 
I think it's a trike.
Everyone should get a bike. Sylvie, 56: I don’t think there is a worst part. I like it. What’s your commute like in the mornings?
I walk from home, over there, to my workplace in about 90 seconds. Previously - What's Your Favourite Internet Meme?