Michael Holden's Deleted Scenes - Pram War

Two men take shelter from reality in an Indian restaurant and share stories of the world outside… Man #1: “Took her mother and my mother to go and buy a pram.” Man #2: “That’s insane. Double mother-in-laws on an errand like that?" Man #1: “Well we knew which one we wanted.” Man #2: “They’re dear, right?” Man #1: “Yeah, it’s like 800 quid. And this is not even the top of the range thing. But we’ve done the research. This is the one we want. It works with the car seat." Man #2: [still struggling with the numbers] “That’s… that’s like a car.” Man #1: “Anyway – I’m talking to the sales assistant when this Polish woman appears, interrupts us and she’s got the same model I’m about to buy and she’s freaking out. Going, ‘I’ve paid the best part of a grand for this. It keeps breaking. You replaced the wheels and it’s still busted.’ She’s there for a full refund, and you can tell she’s not going to give up. So I think this is providence, right. I won’t get the pram. We’ll think again.” Man #2: "It’s all bollocks. You should just be able to stick a duvet in a shopping cart or something. Give me 800 quid, I’ll carry the kid about.” Man #1: “So my mum wades in, she knows a cousin of mine whose kids have grown up. Calls her there and then and she says you can have our pram for nothing! So this is great. I can feel the money in my pocket – then I can see the look on Beth’s mother and in an instant you can see she’s going, ‘No daughter of mine should have to make do with a second hand pram.’ But my mum has clocked this too. She just goes and buys the top of the range one, which is over a grand, there and then.” Man #2: “That’s a pretty ballsy move; quite a throw-down, quite male, don’t you think, a pram pissing contest?” Man #1: “Well she’s made her point. It was good watching her push it around, especially with her bad feet. It’s massive.” Man #2: “She’s probably thinking she can ride around it then when her feet pack up. You’ll be pushing her. That’s what that’s about.” Man #1: “Bit cynical.” Man #2: “Yeah, cynical like a thousand pound pram.”

Previously: Michael Holden's Deleted Scenes - The Untouchables