For most people who had to jump through the mental gymnastics clusterfuck of sneaking people into their parent's house during their teenage years, dorm sex can seem like a big step up. Gone are the days of trying to finesse a hookup across town—now you can simply take an elevator to a different floor or walk down the hall and start getting down with your crush. But it's not all fun and games—fucking while living in a building full of hundreds of horny students can be tough. Thin walls, rumors, shitty roommates, and the ability of a nasty STI to wipe out an entire floor all make quick dorm hookups a bit of a minefield. Now that the college school year is officially over, we asked some students across Canada about the best and worst of their sex life from inside school residences this past year.
Kendra, 23, University of Windsor
Now that you're done with university, how do you feel looking back on banging in a dorm?
I fucking loved it. I kind of get off on other people knowing I'm having sex. [laughs]
Are you a voyeurist?
I think. Maybe? I don't know. I don't want to have public sex or anything, but I'll leave the door open a crack, or, you know, just talk about sex kind of openly. It's not an obnoxious thing, although I know it can come off that way.
How did other people feel about you broadcasting your sex life?
I think it wears on some people, but [that's] not my problem. If somebody's upset with you making your sex life known, they're probably not getting enough. I know because I used to be like that.
Has your sex life died down since you moved out of the dorms?
I'd say it's normalized. The one thing that was tough was not banging too many people in the building because it becomes a [tense] thing. I have to be a little more selective and put in a bit more work now. Daniel, 20, Ryerson University What was your living situation like in the dorms? Did you have roommates?
During both of my years [in the dorms], I was blessed to be living alone. I definitely enjoyed the privacy.
Did you ever have any uncomfortable sex while in student housing?
Totally, and I'd be surprised to hear if anyone didn't. [laughs] I think the biggest thing was just how sloppy everyone was when the weekend or even late evenings rolled around. Floorcest [author's note: fucking people on the same floor is considered taboo and kind of sloppy, for reasons that only be summarized as not shitting where you eat] became more and more frequent, and as a result, I remember there being a lot of constant tension between myself and others. Do you think there are any rules people should follow when it comes to etiquette for sex in residence?
Noise. That's definitely the biggest thing. In [that building] especially, sound travels like you wouldn't believe. By the end of the year, everyone knows your business, and everyone has heard who you've slept with.
How did your sex life change when you became a residence assistant?
Well, as a student, I'd definitely say I felt as though I was kinda free to do whatever I wanted. There was certainly more sleeping around, drinking, partying, all that kinda stuff. As staff, of course, it's a totally different experience because we [can't] make that kind of connection with our students. What really sucked was how we all knew who we were bringing into the buildings. It made secret or regretful hookups really difficult to pull off. What's the most fucked-up sex you heard about/saw in residence?
Sex in laundry rooms. We used to always have to check behind closed doors to make sure students weren't in there getting it on or smoking or whatever. I luckily never witnessed it myself, but I've heard all the horror stories of RAs walking in to find students pants down and ready to go. I guess their beds were too far away? Apparently students would also pee in the washers, which is absolutely disgusting.
Sandra, 22, McGill University
You had a year-long relationship with a roommate in your four-person dorm apartment. Tell me about this, please.
Yeah, when we moved in, we were kind of flirty with each other. He was really my type—tan, has that light South American accent, funny. We ended up banging, kind of idiotically, a few days into frosh, and we fell in love for a bit.
What was your sex life like?
We fucked pretty much every day, except sometimes I would come home and be tired and, y'know… I think there's that expectation that, if you live with your significant other, you're going to fuck more—which we did do—but this also really wasn't our choice. If I had the choice to have seen him and not been living together, I would have chose that.
How did your other roommates feel?
The two other girls who lived with us—one is a lesbian and the other was very studious—didn't care too much, but I think there was some passive-aggressiveness in the apartment. Our sex was kind of loud, and we stopped to care so much once it became normal.
But you guys broke up. Did residence have any affect on that?
It was honestly just a very bad place to do anything sex or relationship wise. You're living with people who are not mature or put together as people, and you're doing all of this in close proximity of people partying, fucking, everything. It's very distracting. You have these social factors on your relationship that you wouldn't normally have.
Callum, 21, Toronto, Ryerson University
Did you ever have sex in your dorm?
Does Adele Sing "Hello"? Yes, the answer is yes. What's your take on floorcest? Any taboos that are off-limits when dorming with people?
I won't deny that I hooked up with people on my floor. You're taking a bunch of [freshly minted] teenagers and putting them into one building, what else would you expect?
As [a floor manager], I was totally against it. You get this older sibling/parent vibe going, and no parent wants to know about their kids' sex life. I think it was just a common theme to try not to sleep with someone who [your friend] has already slept with. Of course, it happens, but I remember how awkward it makes things when you realize that both you and your friend had your things in the same place, if you know what I mean.
How do you think residence affected your ability to get laid?
I lived in a single, and thank God for that! At first, I was so mad because I really wanted an apartment, but man, you have so much more freedom in a single. I for one don't really want people to know who I'm sleeping with or how much I'm sleeping around. Not that there's ever an issue with that, sex is great, and if you like it, do it. I'm just an awkward person and feel, if I [didn't] have a single bedroom then, my bed probably would have seen a lot less action. Got any notable stories of dorm banging?
Honestly, my floor in first-year was so sex-positive. We had a wall in which we tallied how much sex we all had in residence, and by the end of the year, that board was pretty full. I just remember a couple of times coming home and hearing sex echoing [down the halls].
I do remember at one point four of my friends and myself had hooked up with the same person, and that was just a little weird for all of us. Another weird experience was, as a [floor manager], after having sex and leaving my room to go out and having my students see me and the person leave. Giving you that walk of shame look. Residence walls are way too thin, man.
Brie, 20, Dalhousie University
You mentioned to me that you had sex in the common room on your floor. Can you tell me about that?
Sure. It was on reading week, and most people were gone. Me and this girl were really, really into each other—we'd been spending the whole week together. We got pretty high this one afternoon, and the building was pretty empty, so we just kind of started fucking around everywhere. In the bathrooms, behind buildings, in the hallways, and then in the common room.
Narrow down "fucking around" for me.
Making out, fingering each other—lightly—not like full on scissoring. We just were kind of eating at each other, if that makes any sense.
I'm going to assume you mean that figuratively and literally. What do you think of people who sleep around a lot in dorms?
It can be fun, for sure, but build a connection with people first. I can't count the number of people I know who have done shit with sketch-ass people they never met again. STIs, rape, stuff like that is hella scary and really not worth it for a quick fuck. If you want to fuck somebody, take the time to get to know them. If that means you have to masturbate to get those feelings out of your body, do it. Just don't take that K right away. Marcus, 18, University of British Columbia
Describe dorm room sex to me in one sentence.
Um, lots of moans in a place that looks like prison.
Nice. What's the most embarrassing sexual experience you had in residence?
I actually got walked in on while I was getting head.
Cleaning staff. I was in our [apartment] living room, and they just came in—I guess it was the day to do that, and I didn't know. They freaked out and told my floor manager, but I denied it. There wasn't much I could do except get a slap on the wrist and take a charge on my account.
What? They made you pay?
Yeah, I think it's indecent exposure or something because we were doing that in the shared living room. I don't know. My parents paid for it. They didn't know what the charge was for.
Follow Jake Kivanc on Twitter.