Fiona Apple Imagines “Trump’s Nuts Roasting On an Open Fire” in Reworked Holiday Classic

It's Christmas rework season!
December 6, 2016, 6:39pm

It's December 6 and we've had only had one legitimate Christmas banger so far. Gucci Mane's Return of the East Atlanta Santa cut "St. Brick Intro," a trapped up "Jingle Bells," was so good that it counts twice. But still, there's always room for more reworked holiday classics. Enter Fiona Apple, who has re-imagined "The Christmas Song" as an anti-Trump anthem.

The classic Wells and Tormé-penned track, made famous by Nat King Cole, once conjured up images of "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" and all manner of snowy postcard pictures. Apple's version, conversely, sees "Trump's nuts roasting on an open fire." She also sneaks in one or two clever plays on snow (which is white) and the president-elect's target demographic (you get the idea).

Here, thanks to Apple herself, are the lyrics in full:

Trump's nuts roasting on an open fire
as he keeps nipping at his foes.
you'll cry creepy uncle
every time he arrives
for he keeps clawing at your clothes

everybody knows some money and entitlement
can help to make the season white
mothers of color with their kids out of sight
will find it hard to sleep at night.
They know that truuump is on his way.
he's got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh
and every working man is going to cry
when they learn that Letch don't care how you live or if you die

Sooo I'm offering this simple phrase
to kids from 1 to 92
although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Donald Trump, fuck you

Listen to the track here. And may the streets of Midtown be ever warmed by Donald Trump's charred nutsack.

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