Argos Have Winning Formula to Bring Football Back to Life in Toronto

After spending the winter and spring in traction—hooked up to a saline drip which helped cleanse my body and renal system of any and all remaining Buffalo toxins after a season covering the Bills' tailgate scene—my editor called me up and requested my tailgate expertise for a very special assignment.

Our conversation went something like this:

"We are sending you to the Argos game to check out their first regular season tailgate party. Oh, and they're playing Hamilton."

"GROSS! But I haven't had my vaccinations! What if someone from Hamilton touches me??" I protested.

"It's a risk we're willing to take."

And with that, I was whisked away in a cab to go witness the Argos pop their tailgate cherry down at BMO field.

Now, I will be completely honest with you—going into this, attending an Argos game didn't rate very high on my list of things to do. It placed right after getting hit by a speeding dump truck filled with garbage. Most of these feelings toward the Argos had to do with the fact that the only venue worse for football in North America than the Rogers Centre was the bottom of Lake Superior. It was not necessarily about the product on the field, but more so the cavernous rectal cavity they made the Argos play inside of.

So I went down to the newly renovated BMO field with zero expectations and one eye open looking for any out of control, careening dump trucks.

Admittedly, I was interested in seeing how the Argos tailgate would hold up against their American counterparts in the great (terrible) city of Buffalo. If you have the internet then you know that Mad Max: Fury Road was filmed entirely in the parking lots of Ralph Wilson Stadium last NFL season.

Once I arrived, I immediately noticed the expanse and ground in which the tailgate covered. It was going down in multiple locations, and they were all rockin' and doing their own thing. It was all a very coordinated effort with plenty of staff around to answer any questions anyone might have.

As I am used to Buffalo tailgates, I kept expecting to see someone being choke-slammed through the sunroof of a '97 Dodge Neon. Or perhaps a man engulfed in flames shotgunning a tall can of Bud Light. Alas, this kind of behaviour was nowhere to be found. It was kind of refreshing, but it didn't feel right.

One of my favourite things about tailgating in Buffalo is accepting my own mortality before I head into the lots at Ralph Wilson. And that feeling was absent down at the Argos party. You don't have to worry about finalizing your will before heading to BMO field.

Another thing about tailgating in America is that you are allowed to bring your own alcohol with you. Here in Ontario, however, we still drink tea with our pinky fingers slightly extended. You are not allowed to bring in your own cans or bottles of fun and frivolity.

BUT, and a huge but here—beer at the tailgate was only $4. FOUR DOLLARS.

The last time I encountered $4 beers at a sporting event, I was in Cleveland at an Indians game. Now we don't have to drive to Cleveland for $4 beers anymore. Thanks, Argos! Sure, it still sucks paying anything for a beer at a tailgate, but it's not the Argos' fault that we are still governed by ridiculous and puritanical alcohol regulations.

This $4 beer venture is a big coup for the Argonauts, as I found that it was definitely a huge selling point with those in attendance in the lots. In a city where double-digit beer pricing at sporting events is the norm, everyone seemed ecstatic with the suddenly affordable beers in front of them.

Now let's be clear about a few things…

The Argos struggled to attract more than 12,000 people a game last season, which was by far the worst attendance in the league. But when you play your home games in a giant coroner's office, you're already set up to lose. They're also positioned horribly. In a city that is dominated by the Big Three professional sports teams (Leafs, Raptors, Blue Jays) that call Toronto home, the Argos are constantly trying to secure a foothold in the thoughts of the fickle Toronto sports fan.

As mentioned, I had no idea what to expect from Toronto's first foray into a tradition that is already embraced by pretty much every city, town, village, and hamlet in North America. From what I did encounter at the tailgate, the Argos are setting themselves up for victory—at least off the field.

What was evident from the crowds in attendance—both young and old—was the fun being had. There were families, there were older couples, and there were large groups of twenty-somethings—all getting along, and all there for the party. If you had surveyed fans leaving a home game at the Rogers Centre in previous years, guaranteed they probably could have come up with at least 10 different funerals that had a better atmosphere than an Argos home game.

This tailgate was your typical American tailgating experience. (Keep in mind that Buffalo does not count as a typical American experience.) Amazing food, yard games galore, Muskoka chairs, portable grills, charcoal smoke dancing through the air, tunes and, of course, the beer.

I thoroughly enjoyed the roving gang of drumlines that went around playing popular tunes, providing a soundtrack that gave the festivities a college football-like atmosphere. And the beer ladies on bikes who were always there when you needed them added another notch in the awesome belt down at BMO.

The stadium renovation at BMO field is also something to behold. It provides the perfect outdoor venue that the Rogers Centre could not, with the shelter you need when the shit-winds blow in off of Lake Ontario. Football is meant to be played outdoors, under the lights and exposed to the elements. You may hate an open BMO field come November, but try standing in Ralph Wilson Stadium in January during a snowstorm watching the Bills lose 6-3 to the Browns. Death cannot come quick enough.

A little weather is good for the soul.

In the end, this was not your weird uncle's Buffalo Bills tailgate. Not even close. Which for Toronto and the CFL is a good thing. The last thing you want to do is make front-page news because some pantless dickweed lit himself on fire and jumped head first into a porta-potty.

There was no one on fire. There was no one being tossed through a piece of furniture. There was no furniture being tossed through someone. No one was being peed on. No one was getting banged in a public shitter.

The combination of the tailgating, the festivities, the newfound optimism, and a kickass renovation should be enough to attract the younger and newer fan the Argos have been missing for decades. I don't think that there is any way that this impressive new fan-first approach is going to fail. And this is coming from someone who loves to see people fail. (I just do, I don't know why).

I will now have to edit my checklist and move Argos games ahead of getting hit by a streaking dump truck full of Hamiltonians.