Michael McCann: Legal Humorist and Rising Star of Deflategate Scandal

In the tug of war battle between Roger Goodell, the Patriots, the NFLPA, and Tom Brady during the whole Deflategate fiasco, there has only been a single, clear winner: Sports Illustrated legal analyst Michael McCann. He shot to superstardom because he was the go-to guy for all things Deflategate. He even turned the whole thing into a class at University of New Hampshire.

But something weird happened: the dude lived, ate, and breathed Deflategate for so long that it began to color his every day life. If he could make an allusion or comparison to Deflategate or to the parties involved, he would by God get it done. For instance, yesterday, a certain corner of the sports world was momentarily obsessed with whether a fucking horse should have beaten Serena Williams for Sportsman of the Year. That's a whole other blog post that we don't have time for right now, except to say: shut up about horses, please. They're animals. Anyway, back to McCann. He jumped into the fray with this:

While we can debate the @SInow Sportsperson of 2015, there's no doubt which judge had the greatest impact on sports. pic.twitter.com/fr8nDeH7x7
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) December 14, 2015

This is Judge Richard Berman, the judge who ruled in favor of Tom Brady and wiped away his suspension earlier this year. To be clear: there is absolutely no connection between Judge Berman, Serena Williams, and some horse. The first clause of that sentence has literally nothing to do with the second, other than to signal: hey, I'm talking about what you're talking about, but also DEFLATEGATE. Scroll through his feed and you'll get a sense for what I'm talking about. But you'll also find something else.

Like any good lawyer and professor, McCann has honed a sense of humor that plays well to a very specific group. In this case, it's other lawyers and law students. If you're looking for an example from pop culture of what this looks like, think Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation telling accounting jokes. McCann has a few go-to jokes in his arsenal, mostly along the same format, and he is not ashamed to use them, even though they are, strictly speaking, brutal. I'm not sure what it is, there must be something about reading the NFL CBA over and over that refines one's sense of humor such that it converges on endless variations on a single joke.

If a player could sue over a bad call, Rob Gronkowski v. NFL would be coming to a court near you.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) November 30, 2015

If a pitcher could be sued for malpractice, Franklin Morales' performance tonight would make for a good test case.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) October 20, 2013

@karisnorth Good point - maybe fans could sue him for negligent infliction of emotional distress!
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) October 20, 2013

The Patriots and Bills should join hands and bring a class action against tonight's refs. Negligence and malpractice among possible claims.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) November 24, 2015

If quarterbacks could be sued for malpractice, Johnny Manziel's first half would worry his insurance company.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) December 14, 2014

If a football call could ever give rise to a malpractice lawsuit, that call happened tonight. Unbelievable.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) February 2, 2015

NFL players don't sue each other, but if they did, RGIII might have a winning negligence claim against his offensive line after tonight.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) August 21, 2015

If a goaltender could sue his defensemen for negligence & infliction of emotional harm, Tomas Vokoun would have no trouble finding a lawyer.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) June 4, 2013

If consumer protection laws protected NFL fans from having to watch awful plays, DeSean Jackson would need a lawyer. https://t.co/IDcDmHe5oj
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) December 8, 2015

Patriots making the case tonight that consumer protection laws should extend to NFL games.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) November 25, 2013

Here's McCann after the Red Sox won the World Series in 2013:

If MVP David Ortiz is about to say something like "this is our f------ city", good news: FCC more forgiving of obscene language after 10 pm.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) October 31, 2013

@SInow If Olympians competed in events like "most likely to cause fans to sue for infliction of emotional distress" Gaim would get the gold!
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) February 9, 2014

And before LeBron made the decision to return to the Cavaliers:

If a website going down could cause intentional infliction of emotional distress, http://t.co/0oA6ZOCD6o might face a class action suit.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) July 10, 2014

@TheRitvo Negligent infliction of emotional distress? I guess if it wasn't brought in Rod Rust/Victor Kiam era of the Patriots, then never.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) February 13, 2014

Knicks fans here at the #NBADraft committing negligent infliction of emotional distress on Kristaps Porzingis. Welcome to NYC Kristaps!
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) June 26, 2015

In the spirit of A-Rod suing everyone, maybe the Rays should sue Koji Uehara & David Ortiz for intentional infliction of emotional distress.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) October 6, 2013

@Toucherandrich If this keeps up, the Celtics may have a legal claim against 4th quarters for intentional infliction of emotional distress.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) December 4, 2014

Denver's best play at this point may be to sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) February 3, 2014

Tommy Heinson should sue the refs for infliction of emotional distress and the refs should counter sue him for defamation. #celticswarriors
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) December 12, 2015

And finally, this one is my favorite (not kidding):

Maybe Goodell and Brady can team up to sue sketch artist for intentional infliction of emotional distress. (kidding) https://t.co/LuLuLPSu5V
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) August 13, 2015

I hope he keeps it up. I hope we get to the point where there is a permanent online archive of one maniac's wish for every single sports team in America to be sued by its fans for intentional infliction of emotional distress.