Will Smith turned 50 about a year ago, and he's been celebrating that milestone by becoming increasingly, publicly unhinged. He jumped out of a helicopter and bungee jumped into the Grand Canyon. He transformed himself into a bulbous, blue, disturbing incarnation of Aladdin. He did stand-up for the first time. He's rapping again. With only a few days to go before he turns 51, and this strange, eventful year of his life comes to an end, he managed to sneak in one last act that would lead anyone paying attention to pause, cock their head to the side, and ask, "Wait—Will Smith did what?" That act, I am both delighted and sorry to report, is discussing—in depth and on camera—his poops.
During an otherwise normal, relatively straightforward episode of Red Table Talk, Will Smith quizzed his mother-in-law, Adrienne Banfield-Jones, his wife, Jada, and his kids, Willow, Jaden, and Trey, about their bowel movements.
"How many times do y'all poop in the course of a day?" he asked. "I can go three days without."
The reactions to this information were, rightly, a mix of utter bafflement and outrage. Adrienne: "You have to poop daily." Trey: "You might wanna take a look at that." Jaden: "That is not good. And that’s why your farts smell like that." Jada: "[Holding up three fingers]: Three times a day for me."
You really just need to see this for yourself; the poop discourse begins a little after nine minutes in:
Smith went on to explain that he "never" drops a deuce twice in one day—"never." Because that apparently wasn't enough talk of poops and other gastrointestinal issues for him, he brought on a health expert to discuss the matter further. Partway through her time at the table—about 15 minutes and 50 seconds in—Smith brought up his bathroom-related problems yet again, divulging that he has an "old man bladder," and gets out of bed to go to the bathroom about five times a night.
"I'mma just get a diaper," he said. "I'mma straight just pee in the bed. I'm straight peein' in the bed."
This, somehow, was not the end of it for him. The family got asked about constipation, and Smith—as if he had not already made this clear enough—yet again dove into the intricacies of his BMs.
"I'm, like, I'm constipated a lot," he says. "I’ll drink a bottle of water in the morning, and then I’ll drink a cup of coffee, and that makes me go. To the bathroom."
All right, you find yourself thinking. That's gotta be it. But no. This is only the beginning. He hasn't even started talking about farts yet.
After Adrienne Banfield-Jones reveals that she's "gassy all the time" and doesn't know why, Smith concurs: He, too, farts a lot. Then, inexplicably and unprompted, he adds: "I like being gassy."
It's been documented that Will Smith's farts smell particularly heinous—he apparently made life hell for the cast and crew of Men in Black by ripping ass, like, all the time on set—but now we finally have an explanation as to why they reek so bad, courtesy of Jada Pinkett-Smith.
"It's your food combining," she says. "If you're gonna eat broccoli and then ice cream? Chocolate cake and an apple? That's why he smells the way he does."
The whole episode of Red Table Talk is unbelievably deranged, and, honestly, worth watching in its entirety. Stay tuned to hear Jaden Smith tell his family that eating arugula makes him really horny, which happens at the 20 minute mark—just one of many, many gems that somehow made it into the final cut of this thing.
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