Embark on a Doomed Flat-Back-on-the-Sofa Infinite Scroll

My theory is that a bad day on the dating apps taps the exact same feeling you get when there’s a sale on at your favourite clothes shop but you flick through the racks and see nothing you like: yes maybe you will hold onto a jumper for a bit, walk around the shop with it, think very deeply about putting it on but ultimately deciding against putting it on, leaving 20 minutes later feeling hollow and let-down somehow, and it’s no different on here, seeing Person You Matched With Before But Then You Both Got Into Things And It Ended And Then That Ended And You Ended Up Back On Tinder Again But This Time You Didn’t Match; Person You Avoided On One App But Swiped Right On In This And Their Opener Is ‘Haha Didn’t Fancy Me On Hinge No?’; Person You Fancy Quite A Lot Actually And Go Very Deep On Their Profile And Into Their Instagram Account And Scroll To The Bottom Of Their Instagram Account And Even Go On Spotify And Listen To A Couple Of The Bands They Cite And You Like Them Actually They’re Quite Good, And 20 Minutes Later When You Finally Get Up The Nuts To Swipe Left They Haven’t Done The Same For You, It Absolutely Is Not A Match; Someone With Six Mutual Friends Who You Cannot Figure Out How You’ve Never Met Before. Waves against rocks turn into sand back to the sea. Moons rise and suns dip. Empires swell and civilisations fall. Your Valentine’s Day Tinder scroll is endless, it’s an infinity inside another infinity, it is forever, it will never end.

YOU HAVE FAILED AT VALENTINE’S DAY