Nicole trading kandi with Kirby
To stay within the nebulous parameters of "good," how should a mother be? Well, for one, she should be able to eat some goddamned fries—only a monster would have a problem with that—but anything more specific gets tricky. Is it OK if I don't want to breastfeed? Can stay-at-home motherhood be feminist? And in Nicole's case: Can I still party on molly?Read More: Living with My Mother's Mental Illness
Two weeks before we rave, Nicole meets me at a Houlihan's in Weehawken, New Jersey. Unexpectedly, and an hour late, she arrives at the sit-down chain restaurant with her two boys in tow. She is makeup-free, hair showing ample black roots. The kids are dressed in their school uniforms, though on this particular Friday they get to wear jeans with their blue polo shirts. The exhausted mother explains that she forgot her kids had a half-day at school, so she's late because she had to scoop them up. She also would've been here earlier, she apologizes, but one of her clients booked a hair appointment that took way longer than expected, and the money was too good to pass up. $700 for a few hours of hairstyling can do a lot for a single mother who works a mix of odd jobs including doing hair and bartending, especially for a single mother who needs a festival budget.To stay within the nebulous parameters of "good," how should a mother be?
Nicole wearing the kandi she's made and collected over the years
Nicole's "plur mom" kandi and festival ephemera
People think that just because I party all night means I'm a deadbeat mom. But I work two jobs, I pay my own rent, and no man is taking care of me. Do I let loose one or two nights a month? I absolutely do.
Nicole in the kitchen of her New Jersey apartment
PLUR moms tend toward the old-school, peace and love side of rave culture—its other elements aren't as naturally compatible with taking a care of small children, most notably staying out all night until the next morning. "When I get home there's no sleeping," Nicole admits. "I'll get home from the club at 8 AM, and by 8:30 I'm flipping pancakes. It's hard, but it's a sacrifice you make if you love the life [of a raver]." Though not wholly necessary, drugs are a part of that life, too. Nicole will cop to doing molly occasionally, but like a true mom, she's also careful to express the dangers of the drug as much as its vibe-enhancing benefits.Once the kids were old enough to be watched by her parents or her ex-boyfriend, going back to raving wasn't even a decision. "It was a matter of time," she says. "I stopped nursing and I had them situated in their routine. I needed to dance. To let it out. To express… me.I wasn't a mom when I started raving, and I'm not going to change who I am now.
Nicole's vanity, where she typically gets ready for a night out
Ravers
Rave Mom and Rave Dad (no relation)
