Zlatan Taekwondo's His Way into Majestic Ten-Minute Hat Trick, Plus One

Zlatan sees your desire for goals, and Zlatan does not care. Zlatan wills goals into existence on his own terms, at his own pace. And today, that pace said that Zlatan would bestow upon you three goals in 10 minutes—plus one. Is that cool with you? Doesn't matter. Because Zlatan doesn't care if it's cool with you. It's cool with Zlatan.

Not only did the goals rattle off with machine gun persistence, they were things of beauty as well. Take, for example, this shot, plucked out of the air with Zlatan's blackbelt taekwondo skills.

Think that was amazing? Behold Zlatan's bewitchment of the ball to cause it to make a near-90 degree angle into the goal.

"But that goal defies physics!" you say. Physics made the mistake of defying Zlatan.

And as if to say that hat tricks were the things of mere mortals, Zlatan added an extra left-footed bullet to the crime scene.

It's almost as if he was trying—in several attempts—to write his signature into the netting. Would that goal be so lucky.