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Oxygen Bars Are Back! Why?

Throwback to Y2K, anyone!?

I went over to Internet Week Tuesday, and was about as crazy as you’d expect. Lots of people, lots of noise, lots of logos, and more fedoras than I expected or was prepared for. I was a little early for the first panel I was trying to catch so I wandered around a little bit. First I got some coffee and chatted with the baristas about the elevator music that was blasting from the empty stage. Then I went over to what looked like some kind of Borg campfire. It was actually an "oxygen bar." Throwback to Y2K, anyone!?

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After deflecting an earnest offer for some cinnamon scented oxygen from the oxytender/oxyrista, I stationed myself for the first panel. But first, I had to check out this oxygen bar company's website, because what the hell? Didn’t oxygen bars die out with cargo pants?

It's a company called "Airheads." I have to say, it's funny that an exhibitor at Internet Week has a site on the internet that looks like it's from the nineties. (But I guess so are oxygen bars?) Respect.

I'm pretty sure breathing high-oxygen air is not therapeutic unless you're going under anesthesia or maybe crashing in the ocean in a pressurized pod after abandoning a malfunctioning spaceship. I don't mean to be snarky towards a vital life force (water’s boring btw), but c'mon, this company has (non-ironic) quotes like this on their website:

Since Adam and Eve, men and women have been obsessed with making the pleasurable act of making love even more pleasurable. We have tried devices, creams, and other artificial means of stimulation and the answer to a more natural sex enhancement has been sitting right under our noses all this time – It's OXYGEN and AROMATHERAPY!

Or:

If 90% of our energy is derived from oxygen, and the other 10% is derived from food and water, wouldn't it stand to reason that the more oxygen we take in, the less hungry we would feel?

And lastly:

Often depression sneaks in slowly, as breathing patterns change from too much sitting at a desk, stress, age, or illness. Only 10 minutes of pure oxygen will bring a breath of fresh air to the brain and other parts of the body. Like a spring wind, it blows through the system bringing new light and strength to the unused parts of the body and mind where depression hides.

Wait, the reason I feel lethargic and crappy after a long day spent sitting inside at a desk while doing nothing but drudge work is because of a lack of oxygen? Forget the bar, I need to get some sweet, sweet 02 to suck back at my desk. Wait, people make that? Holy hell, I’m going to turn into that duster girl now. Thanks Internet Week!

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