Here's Why You Might Actually Feel Better After A Break-Up

If you are struggling with a break-up and need to talk to someone, email lovebetter@youthline.co.nz or text “lovebetter” to 234.

Traditionally, break-ups are seen as a tragic time. A time to mend a heart that’s been smashed on the pavement, and listen to Mitski whilst downing a pint of ice cream.

Even The Sims 4 game creates a post-break-up moodlet that states, ‘A relationship coming to an end is a sad event in any Sim's life.’ The Sims’ lords make my character mope around and cry in bed for four days. Bestie, it was her idea! 

She wanted to be free from the shackles of Jackson Landgraab but society (okay, the game’s creators) have forced her to ‘mourn’ the relationship. 

Whether it was your idea to end your partnership or not, society states that we should spend time in our feels. If not, clearly you never cared about the other person. But what if you’re actually happier for ending the relationship? 

A Case For The Post-Break-Up Glow-Up 

On TikTok, there’s a particular type of video that pretty much always performs well — the post-break-up glow-up. With millions of views, these videos share people’s journeys from being coupled up, to becoming single and suddenly having glowing skin, a fat bank account, a new haircut, and a sick wardrobe to boot. 

Across Pinterest and Instagram, people post aesthetic photos from their break-up parties with cakes emblazoned with ‘Dump Him’ and ‘Congratulations On Your Break-Up’ in thick, pink icing. 

These online trends prove that sometimes ending a relationship can be celebrated versus mourned. And who doesn’t glow when celebrating something? 

Creative, Rach McDougal, had a post-break-up glow-up when her boyfriend said that it “wasn’t working out”. 

“He was actually just cheating on me with a colleague and didn’t have the guts to own it.” 

The post-break-up glow came after Rach dug herself out of a pit of sadness and grief. 

“I had been pretty badly gaslit at the end of the relationship and was made to feel like I wasn't "cool" enough for him.” The couple had also been together since university and Rach decided that a break-up was the perfect time to come out of her shell. 

Society Puts Relationships On A Pedestal 

The post-break-up glow-up is (mostly) the result of society putting relationships (usually heteronormative ones) on a pedestal. Said pedestal is made up of gender stereotypes, the wedding industrial complex and, most likely, pressure from your family to settle down and pop out 2.5 kids one day. 

This societal pressure results in people staying with partners who they aren’t compatible with because, of course, that’s better than being alone, right? 

While the relationship may be a good two years past its expiration date, once it finally comes to an end, you may experience feelings of freedom and have more time to pour into yourself versus trying to save the spark in a partnership. 

If you have a partner who puts you down and doesn’t care about your interests, these emotions could be felt tenfold. 

Rach puts her glow-up down to not needing a partner to validate her.

“The motivation came from finding independence and simply not caring anymore. I didn't need a boy to validate the fact I was "cool" or a great person, I always had it in me and a peroxide blonde bob and red lipstick made me truly feel it.” 

A Fresh Start 

Look, there’s no wrong or right way to feel post-break-up. Whether you want to cry it out or head straight to the club, how you process the ending of a relationship is your prerogative. 

Of course, you can “glow-up” (however that looks for you), whenever you want, coupled up or otherwise. But there’s no denying that the ending of a relationship is a big deal and means the start of a new chapter.

“Break-ups happen for a reason and so I think they should be celebrated,” says Rach. 

“You could look back at the relationship and if it ended amicably then it's sometimes nice to celebrate, to remember what you had. If it was toxic, stifling or unloving and you got out, then… that should also be celebrated.”

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