If youâre an Asian millennial or zoomer and on Facebook, youâve probably come across the group Subtle Asian Dating (SAD). You might even be a member of the DIY âdating site.â Your friends are likely part of it too, âauctioningâ you off on a date to some 636,000 strangers, or pushing you to âshoot your shotâ and ask someone out. Maybe youâre on there to laugh at the posts about unbelievably attractive people, or found it through the larger Subtle Asian Traits group and just want more inside jokes about bubble tea and ABGs (Asian Baby Girls). Whatever it is, youâve probably also always wondered: Do people actually find love here?Iâve been on SAD for two years and, to be honest, have never sent anyone a message, despite my friendsâ prodding. I often wonder if the group can actually play matchmaker, or if itâs just a space for hilariously witty posts. Wanting answers while bored at home, I reached out to people who actually did shoot their shot, about what happens when the action moves from the group to their DMs.Still Single
Kevin Gan, 20
Manila, Philippines
SAD member for 1 yearPhoto: Courtsey of Kevin Gan
âIt started when I was going through a very âsingleâ period of my life and my friends thought it would be fun to get me back into dating again,â Kevin told VICE about why he joined SAD.His friends auctioned him off in a post in early 2019, boasting details like his height (It said 6â5'', even if he was actually 6â1"), location, and passion for basketball and eating. It was a pretty typical post for SAD, and yet it still got Kevin 250 reactions and over 15 DMs from different women.One of the photos used in Kevin's auction post. Photo: Courtesy of Kevin Gan
âThe girls who messaged me were all very kind,â Kevin said humbly, adding that he too has reached out to some women in the group. Despite his time on SAD, Kevin has never actually been on a date with a girl heâs met on the group.âIâve talked to a bunch of girls, but I guess things just donât work out. But Iâve seen them around at my university and still talk to them. So Iâve made some good friends from SAD,â he said.Still, he thinks the platform is cool for what it is.âItâs cool to see how itâs turned into such a well-known page in the Asian community,â he said.
âI honestly think people should shoot their shots more oftenâŠYour next shot could land the love of your life.Success Story
Harriet Lee, 25 and Johnathan Jung, 24
Toronto, Canada
SAD members for almost 2 yearsHarriet and Johnathan. Photo: Courtesy of Harriet Lee
Both Harriet and Johnathan were auctioned off by their friends in December 2018 and they started talking to each other soon after, in January 2019. Theyâve now been dating for over a year but probably would have never even met if not for SAD. She lived in Toronto and he lived in Maryland.âAt first I was so ambivalent about being on SAD, but my friends in Maryland had insisted on me making a post. So I let them,â Johnathan said.His friends posted a photo of him with his pet squirrel, Chippy, which turned out to be the right move.âI guess thatâs what attracted people because girls started asking about Chippy on my DMs. I did get quite a few DMs on Facebook and Instagram.âAt the time, Harrietâs friends had also auctioned her off but she never really clicked with anyone from the group. Then, they tagged her on the post about Johnathan.âMy friend was joking around saying I should give it a shot. At first, I did it as a joke because he was in the U.S. and I was in Canada, and I thought it wouldnât happen,â Harriet confessed.Her opening line was: âHey I see you have a pet squirrel, which means you like rodents, so what about a girl who looks like a hamster?ââI saw that he had a pet squirrel, and my friends always tell me I look like a hamster. So I decided to make a joke about it,â Harriet said, laughing.Six months into dating, Johnathan found a job in Toronto and ended up moving to Canada, closing the curtains to their long-distance relationship. One of their friends shared this on SAD and the post now has over 12,000 reactions.Photo: Courtesy of Harriet Lee
âWhen I look back, me responding to Harrietâs DM has changed my life completely. And if I [could] go back and do it again, I would,â Johnathan said. âAnd it all comes down to shooting your shot. Seize the opportunity.ââI think recently, people tend to hold back even when they are interested because they consider factors such as distance, and overthink. Honestly, everything ends up working out if it is meant to be,â Harriet said.
âFor us, I didnât think I would date somebody in the U.S., and would end up living in Canada together. But here we are now! People should always give it a try.âViral Video Makers
Matthew Onghai, 21
Texas, United States
SAD member for 2 yearsMatt Onghai (third from left) and his friends who made the video, Jenny Xu, Erica Kim, and Steven Le. Images: Courtesy of Jenny Xu
Sometimes, being auctioned off on SAD wonât just land you dates, but also a shot at viral fame. Thatâs what happened to Matt when he and three of his friends posted a video auctioning him off in August.The video starts with Mattâs silhouette edited in a familiar scene from the popular video game Super Smash Bros, with the caption, âA new foe has appeared! Challenge approaching.â It then reveals Mattâs face, shows his LinkedIn profile with his summer internship as a software engineer, along with his possible future salary. A student at the University of Texas at Austin (which has one of the highest COVID-19 cases in a U.S. college), the quippy video also joked that Matt has the âCOVID-19 antibodiesâ to keep any girls interested safe.The post has gotten over 4,800 reactions and 3,200 comments, including one from Canadian actor and future Marvel superhero Simu Liu who said, âThis is how you do it.âThe video idea came from Mattâs friends Erica Kim, Steven Le, and Jenny Xu who picked Matt for the post because of his fun personality.âI actually found a few video auctions on SAD, and I wanted to make one which was similar. But I didnât want to auction myself, so I thought [of] who I can embarrass, and someone who fits a âmemeâ personality. I talked to Steven and Jenny, and we chose Matt,â Erica told VICE.Matt playing the guitar. Photo: Courtesy of Matt Onghai
The 40-second video took seven hours to make and Matt had no idea what his friends had planned. They thought it would only get a few hundred reactions and were shocked when it reached the thousands.Matt said this led to about 100 followers and friend requests on Instagram and Facebook and at least 60 messages in his DMs. He even got requests on LinkedIn. Most of the people who reached out to him werenât even from Texas, but other states like California and New York, and countries including Vietnam, the Philippines, and China. Erica, who posted the video on SAD, has gotten more followers too.âI spent an entire hour responding just to Facebook messages. Itâs been a lot of work, maybe more work than my programming internship,â Matt joked.For him, the biggest takeaway since going viral is that SAD is for everyone. You donât have to be a supermodel to get auctioned.Meme Guy
Benjamin Chu, 23
Seattle, United States
SAD member for over a yearPhoto: Courtesy of Benjamin Chu
Some people auctioned off on SAD get so famous, they become memes. Benjamin said that since his friend posted a video âsellingâ him on the group in January 2019, heâs been recognized at his workplace by interns as the âguy with a funny auction on SAD.ââWhen Iâm meeting new people, my friends will say something like âhave you seen Benjaminâs SAD post?â And they will show the video, and then I will again be introduced as the âmeme, funny guyâ from SAD,â he told VICE.The video shows Benjamin refusing his friendâs offer to auction him on SAD and includes photos of him working, eating, drinking, and sleeping. Benjamin said he didnât actually allow his friend to post the video, but he did it anyway. Now the post has over 19,000 reactions on SAD.âOne day I woke up to thousands of Facebook notifications. I was very confused, and my co-worker messaged me saying he had seen my video,â Benjamin said.
âI had roughly 40 to 50 girls from the U.S. and other countries who had texted me, saying they saw my auction video and wanted to get to know me.âAlthough Benjamin talked to some of the girls, he never met up with anyone through SAD.His friends still comment on the post, so it reappears on the groupâs feed, but Benjamin doesnât need the boost anymore. He actually met a girl at work, and theyâve been dating for almost a year.Although Benjamin didnât find a significant other through SAD, he is still happy that his friend made the video. The post on SAD has actually helped him form relationships, albeit platonic ones.â[T]he post has become a talking point for me. It breaks the ice, and the post has made it easier for me to make friends,â he said.âIf you are confident in yourself, I say you make a post! It doesnât hurt.âFind Miran on Instagram.