Night Out Receipts: Edi Gardens Beers, Amyl In the Smokers’, Mayonnaise

Toby, 28, Auckland (staying in Fitzroy).

Saturday: It’s my first time in Melbourne in six years. The last time I came over from Aotearoa was a weekend in 2017 interviewing for a job I never wanted, but it was worth pretending I wanted it for the flight.

This time, I’m an adult who actually has some cash and friends who have been asking me to come and visit for months so we could have a blow-out.

My Saturday begins in a questionable state as we have all already pushed our stomachs and livers to their edge the previous two nights. But we persevere and I head to my first stop.

2:30pm: I return to the one cafe I can remember from the last time I was in Melbourne, Archie’s All Day, to meet a friend. Coincidentally I have another friend who works there now who magically makes the cost of a $28 meal consisting of tuna tostadas and fries disappear. The three $10 Negronis, however, did not. 

$30 

3pm: It’s time for me to get moving to my friend's birthday drinks in Edinburgh Gardens, but I have no beers and an empty pack of ciggies from the night before. I hop on the tram and skip the fare to get north. I’m not buying a Myki card for five days in Melbourne.

Admittedly, I’m kinda lost for where I should be getting my drinks and ciggies. I dip into the Royal Oak for a pint ($12) and directions. I’m aware Google is my friend, but the pub is looking inviting and it’s too hot for this sensitive New Zealander.

$42

3:40pm: I end up at Piedimonte’s after I message my friend for help because I forgot to ask the bartender. I hear it's an inner-north classic, not sure what that means, but it feels like the store hadn’t changed much since the 70s. I buy six-pack of VB stubbies (when in Australia) for $18.99 and a $31.95 pack of Chesterfield Blues. The night is racking up already and it’s still the afternoon.

$92.94

5:35pm: Finally, I do the unthinkable, I actually buy the ticket to the gig my mates have been talking about all week. It’s at the Night Cat and is apparently going to be worth it. $28.96.

$121.90

8:50pm: I don’t know how this happened, but my card was charged twice for ONE ticket to the gig. Devastating. I’ll have to investigate that in a more sober state.

$150.86

8:52pm: After an infuriatingly long conversation with someone who believed all sexual attraction was mostly based on animalistic drive, I cop the $12.38 rideshare for me and two friends to the Brunswick Bowls Club for another friend’s birthday drinks.

$163.24

9:12pm: I’ve spent so much money – more than I have on a single night out in months and I can feel the hole in my pocket. But I have a friend on the verge of going home and I’ve been wanting to see them for months so I buy us shots to hopefully revitalise them. It fails. $16.39.

$179.63

10:30pm: The night is beginning to rush by and I’m losing track of time while I chat to another New Zealander who seemingly knew everyone I had ever met. Shocking. 

I have two more beers in this time on a friend's dime because I haven’t left the spot I was standing in for about an hour. 

12am: I’ve been driven to Night Cat by my friend ($0). From the moment we step into the gig, time only begins to go faster and faster. We have a huge crew but I still manage to run into an old co-worker from six years ago at an old hospo job in NZ and we spend a solid 30 minutes talking about how much we loved working together and that I HAVE to move to Melbourne.

Between the DJs’ incredible sets, thousands of steps of dancing to energetic house music and a few free bumps of cocaine, I work up quite the thirst. 

According to my bank statement I bought four drinks for over this time at the club, coming to $49.16.

$228.98

3am: A couple of friends decide to call it a night when the party ends but the friend whose couch I’m crashing on and I are keen for just one more thing to do.

Our other friends, who’ve since left, were talking about a house party but we don’t know who to message for the address. 

We end up walking to the Peel for one last drink that costs $18.95. I’m told this place is iconic. Sure. We sit in the smokers’ area and feel a little lost among the energy that everyone else is bringing until someone my friend knows comes along and keeps us company. There’s some amyl being passed between the two of them, but my interest for being out quickly evaporates as the last two nights of drinking catch up with me.

$247.93

4:26am: We are both realising we didn’t eat dinner and it’s basically breakfast at this point. We march up Smith Street to get a kebab. I’m out of my mind at this point. I panic and opt for way too many sauces in mine – who in their right mind gets garlic sauce and mayonnaise?? The sloppy kebab plus a few chips costs me $23.

$270.93

4:33am: The final car ride home has picked us up ($11.37), we arrive home and I eat this lukewarm kebab while we talk about our exes. My friend looks at her phone and realises she missed a text from a friend at the house party, telling us to come because it’s going off. Fuck. We fumbled it.

Total: $282.3 AUD / $305.9 NZD. These AUD transactions really hit my NZ wallet hard, but fuck it, I’ve had a great night.

See more Night Out Receipts here.