Dear Michigan GOP: If 'Vagina' Is Offensive, Quit Legislating Medicine

Now, I’m not one to preach because I just posted a shocking exposé of Samuel L. Jackson’s incredible love of the m-f word, but a story from yesterday out of Michigan still has me really hot under the collar. Apparently an abortion bill was up for debate in the Michigan state house, and Democratic Representative Lisa Brown was barred from speaking on the floor because she dropped the incendiary word “vagina.”

That’s right, a woman was barred for saying the correct term for female reproductive parts, and, as if it could get any stranger, it wasn’t like she was making some glib references to vaginas in general. Nope, she got the kibosh treatment from other reps for referencing her own vagina.

Let me send you over The Detroit News for Brown’s statement:

Brown, a West Bloomfield Democrat and mother of three, said a package of abortion regulation bills would violate her Jewish religious beliefs and that abortions be be allowed in cases where it is required to save the life of the mother. “Finally, Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but ‘no’ means ‘no,’” Brown said Wednesday.

Oh, snap! I have to hand it to Representative Brown, that is one hell of a statement. But the best part about it is that she used the actual, medical, scientific, anatomical word for the place where a baby comes out. She didn’t drop a casual “hoo-hoo” or awkwardly refer to “that place down there.” She said the only word you should use to describe a vagina.

But that didn’t stop the GOP from shutting Brown down. Her comments ‘prompted a rebuke Thursday by House Republicans, who wouldn’t allow her to voice her opinion on a school employee retirement bill," according to the Detroit News, who also picked up what I’ll deem (excuse the grandiose all-caps, but they’re deserved) THE DUMBEST QUOTE OF THE YEAR:

“What she said was offensive,”said Rep. Mike Callton, R-Nashville. “It was so offensive, I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.”

That’s so fucking idiotic, I’m going to repeat it again, just to make sure it sinks in.

“What she said was offensive,”said Rep. Mike Callton, R-Nashville. “It was so offensive, I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.”

Mike Callton, who’s discussing the EXTREMELY vagina-oriented topic of abortion, says the word VAGINA is so offensive, he wouldn’t say it in front of women. WHO HAVE VAGINAS.

[Pauses for breath]

Brown, to her credit, shared her utter confusion at a press conference, as noted by Talking Points Memo:

“If I can't say the word vagina, why are we legislating vaginas?”Brown said at a press conference. “What language should I use?”

Exactly, Representative Brown. Exactly. If we’re discussing abortion, which is a medical procedure last time I checked, how can a person say that anatomical terms offend them and yet still claim to have any right to comment on the topic? If basic anatomy is offensive to you, then you’re calling medicine offensive. And if medicine is offensive, sir, then how in the flying fuck are you trying to regulate said medical procedures?

If vaginas are offensive, then why the hell are we even discussing vagina-related matters at all? If they’re so offensive to our delicate little American sensibilities, why don’t we eliminate them altogether, Rep. Callton? Why don’t we just put vaginas on the do-not fly list and start targeting them with Reaper drones? Or, maybe, we could all start acting like grown-ups that didn’t flunk out of science class. Maybe we can at least quit the charade of pretending to “discuss” topics that we clearly take idiotic offense to and are clearly unable of talking about without bias. If you’re not able to even mention the most basic tenets of medicine while legislating that medicine, then I think it’s time to get a new job, you flaccid wrinkly old penis.

Follow Derek Mead on Twitter: @derektmead.

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