In the grand old recent tradition of the Dallas Cowboys, something that should have stayed in their possession has been brutally intercepted. I'm talking about photos of owner Jerry Jones with a couple of young women in poses that could be described as "compromising" or "gross." These truly traumatic photos first surfaced on TerezOwens.com, but Deadspin did some sleuthing, and it appears the photos were obtained by a guy named Frank Hoover, who wrote an entire manifesto about his intent to use the photos in some sort of extortion scheme and also about how he's the son of God and blah blah blah. The important thing is that we have Motorola Razr-quality photos of Jerry Jones being mock-fellated by someone other than Tony Romo.
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While it seems evident that Jerry Jones is just engaging in some consensual distractions, if the Cowboys of recent years have taught us one thing, it's not to jump to conclusions about how an event will unfold. So let's look at some hypotheticals about what's happening with Jerry:-Jerry is demonstrating a really blatant example of pass interference. A call would not go his way on this one, even if he were wearing a Seahawks jersey. (Go Niners!)-Jerry thinks the woman is the Lombardi Trophy. He has forgotten what the Lombardi Trophy looks like because it has been so long.-Jerry is demonstrating how he comforts Dez Bryant when he's hysterical.-Jerry could be on Molly and wow, everything just feels so alive.-Jerry could be falling over because it's past his bedtime and his pockets are filled with gold bricks. The woman is letting him lean on her as she would any ailing senior.
-Oh no! This woman has fallen down, perhaps because she has vertigo.-Jerry is teaching her how to be a placekick holder, because Romo is so bad at that part of the game, but he's not doing a very good job of it.-Jerry is an actual billionaire, so his suits are probably pretty soft and nice. Maybe she's just really into textiles.
-This woman is a Washington or New York fan and is demonstrating how she feels about the Cowboys.-She's peeing to put out the dumpster fire that is the Tony Romo Experience.-She is trying to cool down after a long day working with Jerry Jones to help the underprivileged.-Jerry is literally making her ROTFL. "Dude, stop talking about the playoffs. You're gonna go 8-8 like you do every year. It's going to be hilarious."Lindsey Adler would prefer not to know the whole story on these photos. Follow her on Twitter.