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USA Men Sweep Canada to Play for Curling Gold

Mr. T watched on from home, as Team Shuster took out rival Canada at PyeongChang 2018 for USA's first-ever shot at gold.
Photo by Daniel Powers—USA TODAY Sports

Not only did the U.S. women's hockey team fell the mighty ice nation of Canada last night, but the U.S. men's curling team just took out Canada to advance to the gold medal match—their first ever appearance in the finals. On Monday, they beat Canada for the first time ever in the Olympics. Rough couple days for U.S.-Canada relations.

Curling's a game that feels casual as darts, featuring a crew with the delightful quality of random selection out of a Schlitz brewery tour. Team Shuster is comprised of John Shuster, who has a day job at Dick's Sporting Goods, Matt Hamilton, who's mustache has launched a thousand ships, Tyler George, a childhood friend of Shuster's and John Landsteiner, who seems like a perfectly nice guy. They've gotten into some lovable antics during the Olympics—namely doling out some sick burns to actress Kirstie Alley. And man are they tearing it up on the ice.

Monday's historic win set the stage for today's big shocker, as the U.S. beat out Canada for the second time in a week—and ever—with a final score of 5-3. The U.S. hasn't seen a podium since the 2006 Turin games, but have secured at least a history-making silver with their upcoming final game against Sweden.

The semifinal was tied at 2-2 going into the eighth end (period), and Canada's Kevin Koe had the hammer (the final stone—stick with me here), but came up short of the house (the target). The U.S. had two stones in the house, and so they snuck off with a 4-2 lead. With two ends left, Koe whiffed on a chance to land two points with their final stone, walking away with just one. In the final end (not redundant), Shuster—who has been known as a bit of a choke artist—came up big with his last stone, knocking Canada's rock out of the center of the house. Team Shuster came away with a point and a victory, pumping fists and holding out a number No. 1 index finger to chants of "USA! USA!"

Mr. T watched on from home, as a bunch of midwesterners in South Korea warmed our hearts with some aggressive and calculated brooming. God bless curling.