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Someone Made a Glorious Fake Craigslist Ad to Help Trump Find a New Lawyer

"Client is a hugely wealthy man. Hugely successful. Everyone says it."
Drew Schwartz
Brooklyn, US
Photo of Trump by Mark Wilson/Getty Images; screengrab via Craigslist

Trump has been on the hunt for a new lawyer to take over the Mueller probe ever since the head of his legal team, John Dowd, peaced the fuck out of the White House last week, reportedly because the president wouldn’t listen to him. It now looks like no one really wants the job—no matter how many attorneys Trump's asked to take it.

But that was before an unnamed Good Samaritan swooped in to try to help Trump fill the post using the internet's go-to platform for getting odd jobs done: Craigslist.


Screengrab via Craigslist

The ad—titled "SEEKING LEAD ATTORNEY FOR DIFFICULT CLIENT"—never names the president outright, but it's pretty clear who it's talking about. For one, whoever's up for the task would be working at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. And there are a few uniquely Trumpian requirements for the gig.

"Working knowledge of social media, especially Twitter is a plus, as is a better than average knowledge of the adult film industry and a collection of Playboy magazines from 1985-2010," the post reads. "Prior appearances on Fox News a huge plus. No fatties."

The listing—posted by "General John," a nod to Trump's chief of staff John Kelly—makes it clear that more than anything, Trump's new lawyer should try to keep the president from sitting down for an interview with special counsel Robert Mueller. Trump has insisted that doing so might be a good move, despite the fact that pretty much everybody who was on his legal team thought it was a terrible idea.

"Basically your job boils down to keeping him from testifying under oath and hoping the rest comes out in the wash," the listing reads.

Difficult as the job may be, whoever has the guts to take it would apparently make a fortune. As the listing notes, "Client is a hugely wealthy man. Hugely successful. Everyone says it."

The post might be just a gag—but given that there's basically one guy handling the Mueller probe right now, it could also be the work of Trump's old spokesman John Barron, turning to the same place you find used cigarettes and dirty mattresses to hire legal help.

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Related: Trump to Talk to Mueller?