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Good Idea or Great Idea: Concealed Guns at Football Games

(This is not a great idea.)
November 30, 2015, 11:11pm

The Fraternal Order of Police, the country's largest and dare I say smartest police union, thinks off-duty and retired cops should be allowed to carry concealed weapons at NFL games. Personally, I think it's a great idea and I'll tell you why. First and foremost, I am a huge proponent of flawless logic.

For instance: "In a letter to Commissioner Roger Goodell, FOP President Chuck Canterbury said armed cops are the best bet for stopping a terrorist attack inside a stadium." There is simply no arguing with that, unless you'd rather do some real police work and not just "bet" that safety will be ensured by shooting at people or something. That's not really practical, though is it? Better just get some guns.


Some more unimpeachable logic from Chuck "Yes This is my Real Name" Canterbury:

"Well-attended venues and areas are being deliberately targeted by the radical killers who do not intend or expect to survive the assault," the letter continued. "Law enforcement, even when working actively with highly trained and skilled security professionals, cannot be certain that all threats will be detected and neutralized."

I think we can all agree that the best deterrent to possible attacks by persons who do not fear death is Lt. Limp Dyckman, half in the bag and pissed off because Eli threw another interception, packing heat.

Now, this is compelling stuff, but it is also anecdotal. Let's get some cold hard facts.

"Metal detectors can't be depended on to secure stadiums from terrorists. When seconds count, an armed off-duty officer might be the closest person available to stop an attack."

To my knowledge, there hasn't been a high profile example of an attack on a sports arena recently, but you can bet your ass if there had been it wouldn't involve literally this exact example of metal detectors and on-duty security preventing a horrible bombing from becoming catastrophic. It would be John Wayne in casual wear sauntering up and blowing the terrorist away.

In addition to flawless logic, I am also into people who definitely don't engage in junk science and blatant shilling.

"Off-duty police had been carrying their guns with them at NFL games from the time the NFL started until about a year-and-a-half ago, and there has never been a single problem," John Lott, president of the Crime Prevention Research Center, told

Obviously the man who wrote More Guns, Less Crime knows what the fuck he is talking about.

The NFL instituted a policy all the way back in 2014, preventing off-duty and retired police from carrying concealed weapons in stadiums. They found the notion of rogue and unidentified gunmen working in concert with security with an intimate knowledge of their surroundings who had been specifically trained for these events to be…not a comforting one. After a long year, the FOP is ready to fight once again for what matters: an off-duty cop's second amendment right to stop terrorism while he's waiting in line to take a piss at halftime.

Testosterone, alcohol, and concealed guns carried by cops are what make this country great and safe. Rescind this policy, Mr. Goodell.