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Please Help, Kylie Minogue Has Made Me Want to Learn Line Dancing

The video for "Dancing" is out and it rules, because it was always going to.
Lauren O'Neill
London, GB

There are a number of ingredients for an excellent pop video (choreography, colours, fun) and they can be interpreted in many ways, but it's not all that often that those elements come along to make something actually amazing (the last time was probably this). Like, amazing enough to make me Google "line dancing classes london."

If anyone was going to do it, however, it was Kylie Minogue. Her new track "Dancing" is, as I have stated, fucking great – weirdly country-tinged without being horrible (NB: country is not horrible, but pop-country often is), with sweetly introspective lyrics and a big, big chorus. Of course it was always going to deliver an excellent video, but could we have foretold how good? Really? The only thing to do is break it down:


We're six seconds in and Kylie is not fucking around. She's here to show you that she can play the actually-quite-tricky-sounding acoustic guitar riff that begins the song. She is not to be underestimated.

Ah yes a classic music video set-up. "Dancing" is a song about not wanting to sit home alone, you see, so TV Kylie represents a fantasy that weird-recliner-chair Kylie wishes she was living.

Kylie Parton.

Okay! We went from about 30 to 1,000 really quick. I had to gif it for full effect. She's speed line-dancing. Rhinestones. Spins. How do I learn to do this? It is a matter of urgency.

Checking back in with sofa Kylie. I do just want to ask: if she is moaning about being stuck at home with nobody paying her any attention then why is she wearing shoes and a glittery dress please? When the rest of us do it we're usually in bed wearing an old, unwashed sweatshirt eating a garlic bread for dinner. Please Kylie have some respect.

More unbelievably good choreography. Now feels like a good time to remind you that Kyle Minogue is 49 years old, and has beaten breast cancer. A legend. An icon. A reminder that you are 25 and wheeze going up the stairs.

The looks in this video are absolutely off the chart.

More choreography (this time: contemporary), more looks. Video of the Year.

Kylie you are spoiling us.

Back to the narrative. Inspired by what she's seen, home Kylie switches off that TV (she should get a better one by the way, does she not know about Sky?) and goes out dancing:

Off you go babes.

Anyway if anyone knows where I can get a load of rhinestones very quickly let me know. It's for a… thing.

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