If you’re going to take anything from today, let it be this: life’s too fucking short to have shitty oral sex. Whether you’ve been burned by a sneaky link who kept mistaking ~that~ part of your inner thigh for your literal clit, or you’re still recovering from the long-term partner you had at 18 — yeah, the one you never had the heart to tell was actually fucking shit at eating you out — it’s time to get your biscuit buttered again. Only properly this time.
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Now, there are two ways you can do that. Option (A) involves re-downloading Tinder and swiping left on every “Zach - 26” who reckons they’re “not here to fuck spiders” until you land on what looks like a winner. Alternatively, you can skip the shit and just buy a vibrator. We know which one we’d choose. I know those clit-suckers go for a hefty dime these days, but today you can nab two for the price of one. The folks at VUSH don’t wanna see you live out your days orgasm-less.
Whether you decide to rope in a mate who needs a good root and go all in for the cult-fave Empress twin-pack together, or you just wanna cop ‘em yourself for a steal of $220, this deal is a neat way to get a maz on the cheap. Using enhanced vacuum technology, it’s able to mimic the sensation of having a tongue all up in there. It also has eight varying patterns paired with five different intensity levels, so you can find your breaking point with ease. And you won’t have to put up with someone changing pace right as you were going to cum. While it’s primarily designed for anyone with a clitoris, if you want to use it for couples’ play, who are we to stop you? Anyway, if we’ve got you interested enough to at least wanna suss the website, head here.