So Big Brother has shitty ratings now. Who would have thought it? Normally transferring shows to Channel Five means they're on the up. Regardless, it's clearly time that someone else moves in to fill the gaping chasms we're all going to feel in the pits of our souls when Britain's first reality success bites the dust.
With that in mind, I thought I'd go and get some suggestions for replacement shows from people in the street, so I asked a bunch of them a question: What would be your perfect reality show?
Brendon, 20, student: I want to follow the life of a DJ 24/7, like Afrojack or someone like that, and see everything they do in terms of music. Like the Truman Show.
You want to see all the crazy parties?
To be honest, I’d love to just see them play and make music; see how they reach their goals. Sometimes all we see is the partying side and performing for the paps.
So what would the format of the show be?
Probably them on tour. So each episode would be five tour stops.
Alright, I'd watch that.
Alex, 21, student: I would have a show that just followed me and my friends. Kind of like the Real World, but not as much drama – just us hanging out. Everyone in my group always says something really funny, so I’m sure it would be comedy gold. Also, I’d have, like, some famous musicians in it to come play gigs for us at my house.
Oh yeah? What kind of music?
Like, EDM. It would be a crazy show. Shenanigans all the time. Pranking one another.
So the evolution of Jackass, but more hilarious because your friends are funny?
Not that crazy.
What kind of pranks would you do?
I’m a big fan of hiding and scaring the shit out of someone. Just get them really good because the reaction is always going to be priceless.
James, 24, musician: On these music shows like The Voice or X Factor, you can’t really sing or do your own songs. I’d make my own talent show and ban all the karaoke singers.
I take it you're not a fan of Simon Cowell’s efforts?
Well, I want to see songwriters get the shine they deserve. On my show, you either write your own songs or you don’t show up to audition.
Nick, 36, cycle courier: I’d just have a show about a pub lock-in. Totally random people in it. Fill them up full of booze. Nothing too complicated with the format. Like a night in the pub. I’m sure it would be better than most things on TV now.
If there was a celebrity version of that show, what celebrities would you put in it?
Any hellraisers or big drinkers. I can only think of Oliver Reed, but he's dead now. I don’t know who his modern equivalent is, but I’m sure we could round some worthy celebs. .
Hannah, 19, writer: I’d put bunch a of students together and just see how they go about their daily lives, and how they go about starting their careers.
This sounds a bit like The Hills.
No way. This would be sophisticated. And it would be following people from different cultures, classes and races.
What would you do to amp up your ratings?
I’d probably put some celebrities in, like Justin Bieber. Some misunderstood celebrities. They’d live on campus with the students. I’d even put Miley Cyrus in. She’s going through some crazy transformation at the moment and I’m sure she’d make good TV. Also, I’d make sure I threw in a male black artist so I could have some eye candy.
Previously - What's the Worst Way You've Ever Dumped Someone?