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Lindy West: I'm thrilled to say that the feedback we've gotten has been nearly 100 percent positive. We've received a very, very small amount of kneejerk anti-feminist pushback—people presenting these ludicrously tortured scenarios like, "I went to a party wearing a sandwich board that said 'PLEASE RAPE ME'—are you sure it isn't my fault?" as though that somehow undermines our mission statement; or people asking, clearly in bad faith, "What about male victims? Why don't you care about them?" which is spurious, because we've been publishing questions and letters from male victims since the blog's inception. Oh, and we've gotten some criticism from anti-BDSM radical feminists for being sex-positive.But I could pretty much count those messages and comments on one hand, while the positive response has been infinitely more plentiful and more meaningful. As cliche as it sounds, one person writing in to say, "I felt bad about this, and now I feel better about it, now I feel less alone," makes this project worth it to me. And we're getting notes like that all day, every day. Even when I set up the blog, I didn't yet understand how powerful and healing it could be just to be able to tell someone what happened to you. We get so much of that. "I just wanted to tell someone." "No one has ever believed me." "I thought I was the only one."
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I haven't gotten that feedback specifically, but I've heard from a lot of men saying, "This was so important for me to read. I had no idea." A lot of people know this stuff is happening, intellectually, but it's a really visceral, eye-opening experience to read all of these first-hand experiences in a row.

Probably the most significant thing I've learned is that these stories are devastatingly common—more common than you think—and many, many people have been keeping them inside for years. Our society gives victims infinite reasons to keep their traumas to themselves (you're going to break your grandmother's heart, you'll destroy the family, your sexual past will be dredged up, it was probably your fault anyway) and very few incentives and support systems for speaking out about them. When you read this many stories in a row, from people all over the world, it really becomes clear how intense the cultural messaging is that keeps people quiet. The patterns are undeniable.Is there something more or different that you and your contributors do for self-care now that you're working closely with so many very personal stories of sexual assault?
Well, it's still new. So, at this point, I feel far more energized than burdened by the project. But I definitely feel the sheer volume of these stories weighing me down—the number of submissions, the number of questions, the number of people who feel trapped and lonely and ashamed and confused. We definitely take shifts in answering the ask box questions. People take breaks when they're feeling ragged and come back when they're feeling fortified. And as for general self-care, it's like anything else. Everyone's different. Personally, I turn off the computer and hang out with my family as much as possible. And I find TV binge-watching very therapeutic. Also, wine.[In the FAQ](http:// http://ibelieveyouitsnotyourfault.tumblr.com/faq) you state that you're accepting submissions from people of all genders and ages. Are there plans to add male contributors that can give advice?
We actually have two cis men and one trans man on our advice panel right now, and I've gotten several queries from men about submitting their stories. I would absolutely love to hear from more men and post their submissions. One of the most heartbreaking letters we've gotten in the ask box was from a young man who'd been raped by his soccer coach, and he was convinced he couldn't tell anyone because men aren't supposed to be vulnerable. Men aren't supposed to cry or ask for help.That's one of the most pernicious aspects of patriarchy—the idea that weakness and victimization are inherently feminine. That's a horrible paradigm for women, obviously, but it's also massively damaging for men. Hearing from these teenage boys who don't have anywhere to turn—it's just fucking sickening to me. I really do want everyone to know that if you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, you can talk to us. Please, please, please talk to us.Follow Simon Davis on Twitter.
