James Corden, the funny man who does that thing with the cars, hosted the Grammys again this year. He says he was very nervous to return but that seems kinda tough when your whole thing is shameless slapstick self-debasement on national television. Though I guess it is marginally more intimidating to do that sort of thing in a tuxedo. Anyway, he told some jokes. I’m pretty sure this is all of them but honestly who cares.
27. That bit about watching live shows through a cell phone. I cannot wait for Jack White’s carpool karaoke.
26. The commercial that posed the immortal question “Want more James Corden?”
25. That whole thing about spoken word records where he had some people read Fire and Fury and he was so fucking stoked that Hillary Clinton was in it.
24. The smoke floating in the corner as Snoop Dogg read from that book, even though James had very little to do with it to be honest.
23. Offering to show Jay Z around New York, then quoting Jay Z's own lyrics at him as he sat there uncomfortably.
22. Regarding “Despacito”: "That was a catchy song I have not heard that song before. I'm telling you if they could just Get. That. Song. On the radio. They've got a hit in the house."
21. The commercial for The Late Late Show with James Corden where they said “He always steals the show” like it was a threat.
20. On Donald Glover: “If he wasn’t so talented lovable and charismatic you’d find him really annoying” (But he actually seemed a little sincerely resentful about his success and you have to imagine there's a story there.)
19. Saying “I’m freaking out” in a funny voice in that credit card commercial, always relatable that James. 18. Sitting on the nice music teacher lady because “it’s tough to host an award show”?
17. That whole subway Carpool Karaoke thing including…
16. Saying “Should we listen to some music” and then plays “Every Breath you Take” off a funny boom box because we don’t do that here in New York ha ha ha.
15. When the tough big New York man threatened him and James said “he’s quite a scary man.”
14. Saying “we’re not begging we’re trying to create a viral moment” but its kinda just the same thing if we're being real. Shout out to all my Jake Paulers out there, etc.
13. Saying “I thought people would love this” about a New York-centric version of his skit that literally everyone hates.
12. Berating an old woman.
11. Saying “I’ve never heard of me either,” which seemed far more self aware than he usually is.
10. “I have a stronger connection with music, my father was in Abba and my mother is Elton John.”
9. The realization that the show would have been better if Christian comic Jim Gaffigan were hosting instead, which is saying a lot.
8. That even handing out puppies could not warm my cold heart.
7. When even his parents implied they weren’t super stoked to be there.
6. That breathy introduction for Patti LuPone was kinda endearing, honestly. I think that was him but honestly I wasn't really paying attention during the whole Broadway segment.
5. When he called himself the “least diverse host in Grammys history”
4. When that commercial asked “Want more James Corden?" again.
3. When he implied he was going to introduce Barack Obama but it just turned out to be Neil Portnow opening his mouth to talk about piracy and thousands of spiders crawling out.
2. When he got punched by the big mean subway man.
1. James Corden hosted the Grammys for the second year in a row.