We're OK with vapour

We get a lot of imbecilic invitations to events from publicists who don’t actually want us there, and we don’t want to go to the exciting release of their new Cow Squeazers milk drink event either. But they have to do their job, which means emailing us anyway, and we like to test our interns’ mettle, so we sent one of them off to a cooking demonstration and asked for a full report…

The other night I went to an unveiling of a set of pots that utilise the "power of vapour" to cook food better. Or something. How is this different from steam? I'm still not sure, but I was excited to call bullshit.

They took us into this serene, white loft that looked less like the set for a cooking presentation than a scene from Gattaca – everyone was well-dressed and had that passive, blank stare that I assume future people will have. I suddenly became self-conscious of my own shabby attire and promptly started the game I normally play when I'm in awkward situations: become the drunkest person in the room in the least amount of time.

Once word got out that I was from Vice, people began to treat me with the same fascination/caution as they would a volatile object. The door guy who checked me in got the biggest smile on his face and said he and his friends love the Dos and Don'ts, and I said, "Thank you, I write all of them." One of the marketing women from 360, the name of showcased cookware, started talking about online traffic and and the business-prospects of Twitter, but since I mainly tweet about haunted houses and Dunkin Donuts, I couldn't relate. The conversation ended with me recommending that she "tell the boys in the lab to make a 360 pot big enough to cook a turkey." Then she did one of those "I'm going to stand over there" things.

By the time the actual presentation started, I was about five or six wines in so the details are a little hazy. I do remember that there are five layers of stainless steel in each 360 pot and that cooking with vapour (as opposed to steam, which they never differentiated) "locks in the flavour". They kept describing how the food was "moist" and "stewing in its own juices", which started to gross me out, so I left.

On my way out, the enthusiastic Vice fan gave me a door prize: MY VERY OWN 360 POT! (I also took a wine glass, which wasn't a door prize, but in my state I thought I needed it.) The first thing I did when I got home was test the pot myself so I could call bullshit on my own watch. I was dismayed, however, when the awesome vapour locked in the Oriental flavour of my ramen. You win, 360.