The VICE Guide to Right Now

Here They Are: the World's Dumbest Teens

Whose teens are these?
screenshot via Jack Sutton's YouTube.

Update 8/10: The original video of the teens subway surfing has been pulled from YouTube.

Hello, everyone. Today, the sun shines down to greet another day, and with it comes a brand-new example of teenagers doing stupid and dangerous shit for the sake of internet fame. But these precocious youths aren't ingesting detergents or choking themselves out or trying to find increasingly more extreme ways to invite one another to what will likely be a very mediocre school dance. There aren't any alligator carcasses involved either.


No—this time, the two dumbass teens in question have apparently decided to take a cue from many, many, many ill-fated folks before them, and climb up on top of the subway to "surf," Gothamist reports.

Please, sit back and enjoy three-and-a-half minutes of the hubris of youth in action:

Is subway surfing dangerous? Sure. Is it cool? Not particularly. Is it against the law and exceedingly stupid to film and then post online with your faces so obviously identifiable? Oh, definitely. But who cares! What better way to stick it to your overbearing parents than by climbing up on top of the N train in your track pants, feeling the wind ripple in your goofy teen haircut! Have these kids never seen the end of Speed before?

Let's take a quick survey of all the monumentally dumb things these teens managed to cram into the short video, shall we? First, there's the way they both awkwardly mug to the camera in the beginning.

Then, there's the way they leap from car to car like they're River Phoenix in that one Indiana Jones movie.

Then, there's the fact that one of these kids actually slipped off the top of a train while filming a video a few weeks ago, miraculously survived the fall, but still decided to upload it to YouTube—then do it again.


But, perhaps worst of all, there's the music. Oh, lord, the music! It's even worse than the horrendous song Paul Ryan used for his blizzard livestream all those years ago! The thing sounds like it's ripped from a Jazz Jackrabbit load screen. Is this supposed to be thrilling? Is it supposed to somehow underline the excitement and danger? Questions abound.

And yet, the lesson remains: Please, don't ride on top of the subways. It's dumb. The MTA may be a complete shitshow right now, but it's still slightly safer to inside the car than of on top of it. That way you can at least stay alive long enough to legally get a drink at that Rick & Morty-themed bar or whatever teens like now besides doing dumb shit for Instagram fame.

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